Friends and Interests - Salem-News.Com

(AGOURA, Calif.) - As the rumbling train of time speeds along, with my boys growing up, I marvel at the different jobs we parents have throughout their lives. Early, of course, it’s basic survival from feeding to changing.

Later, it’s learning many “firsts”, including first steps, words, and that big one, naturally; first time on the toilet all by yourself!

Along the way, we try and expose them to our particular favorite interests and teach them our moral values.

If we’re lucky, they might even enjoy some of the same music we love, do some of the sports we do, and crave the same foods we crave.

More likely, and maybe even more better (sorry for the poor English/grammar, but it conveys it well from a parent’s point of view), they’ll discover and choose their own passions.

For me, it’s truly been a mixed bag of ego inflation and deflation, as they’ve embraced many of my food eccentricities and music loves (with the large exception of not loving Elvis), while rejecting just about anything that might raise a sweat. But, the area that challenges me most now is friends. Their choice, that is.

My teenager used to hang out, in elementary school, with lots of “good” kids, achievers and the like, who he mostly met through our family connections.

Now, he’s meeting friends elsewhere, primarily through his rock ‘n’ roll interest, and some of these new friends are questionable. One has already been sent to drug rehab (at 13 years old!), while another is heading off to a wilderness camp for behavior related “help.”

None are academic wizards and none care a hoot about anything athletic, mirroring my son’s own lack of interest in sport.

So, the question and challenge becomes if or when I intervene? Do I have a say in his choice of friends? Or, as I’m doing for now, do I just try as best as I can to monitor him and them and keep the doors of communication open?

We recently had both the “sex” and “drugs” talks. At least part one of the sex talk (the morality issues) with part two (the mechanics) to follow.

He says I didn’t embarrass him too much with the former; hopefully we can do the latter without too many long sighing “Daaaaaddds” from him.

As for the friends, I guess I’ll have to hope he’s gotten the right moral foundation, in all these preceding years, when he might’ve actually heard some of what I say!

Please visit brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including a unique Ask Bruce For Advice section, an archive of his columns, contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more.

Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 12 and 15. His nationally syndicated column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. In addition to Salem-News.com, his column is available in over 50 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. He can be reached at: brucesallan@gmail.com.