Men Need Support Too

Resources can help men identify what is important, make clear declarations, and establish principles to live by.

Photo: bettermen.org

(AGOURA, Calif.) - Do men really have good support? When a man reaches a certain age and he’s depressed, he’s struggling with his place in the world, he’s going through a divorce, etc.etc., where can he turn? Add into the mix that he’s a single Dad and has no immediate family around and you have me, a few years ago.

Wayne Levine

I was blessed to find a circle of men, when I first got separated, that supported and guided me through the horrible ups and downs that followed. No, it wasn’t some beer-drinking group of women-haters, nor a drumming in Indian war paint Robert Bly-type of thing.

It was regular men, with regular problems, getting together and talking about the real stuff. The leader of this group, Wayne Levine (recently added as a Salem-News contributor), has written a book, HOLD ON TO YOUR NUTs: THE RELATIONSHIP MANUAL FOR MEN.

The book helps men identify what is deeply important to them, helps them to make clear declarations of what they like, principles to live by, and situations they feel obligated to support.

In easy-to-read words, with easy-to-understand tools, his book offers a guide to having better relationships with everyone in your life. I’ve found these men and this circle have guided me to a better place as a Dad and as a partner with the woman in my life now, my recent bride, in fact.

Unlike the stereotype beliefs of men’s groups, ours completely supports parenting and your relationship with your spouse. I remember a classic example of how our group and Wayne’s theories work and apply.

A man in our group, with a less-than- ideal marriage (meaning diminishing intimacy, among other issues), came back from a business trip glowing about the fun he had at a strip bar.

He felt he had honored his marital vows by not touching or going beyond the boundaries of a lap dance. He was looking for our support to go to strip bars on a semi-regular basis as an outlet and substitute for the intimacy he wasn’t getting at home. In his mind, this was completely harmless.

But, this is where our “work” and our circle of men intrude in a man’s life. He was summarily and unanimously told that this outlet was completely inappropriate, and that if and maybe when he got his own house in order, then and only then might an occasional visit to said establishment be considered acceptable.

But, even then, it was with the thinking that the energy and spirit gotten from there would be brought back home and enrolled in his bedroom and life.

Well, this man was stunned, disappointed, and even embarrassed a bit, but, he got what he needed from our circle, from our philosophy about living life as the best man you can be.

I don’t use this column as an advertisement, but I will recommend Wayne Levine’s book to any man who wants to live his life better, with more love and support, and with more honesty and character. Find it at the usual places and check out his column here.

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Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 12 and 15. His nationally syndicated column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. In addition to Salem-News.com, his column is available in over 50 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. He can be reached at: brucesallan@gmail.com.