That Duel Before Yule

If mate is away, refrain from romance; For those ever horny have yet much to fear, To be neath the hoofs of those seven reindeer.

Once upon a Christmas Knight - tkoscraps.blogspot.com

(SALEM) - "Want a Knight before Christmas, alas, fondest gift,
To warm forth my pillow, and bestow a lift,
For Arthur is off in some distant turf,
And with my fab figure, won't settle for serf!"

This utterance came from Queen Guinevere,
Knowing that King and his staff weren't near;
A lonely heart pining for marvel of mate
To fulfill her empties, but what be her fate?

The candles were glowing about in the palace,
Her hunger was showing but she meant no malice;
Queenly convenience, or so she aspired,
Romance, lo, is chancy, her innards were fired.

When into her domain arrived a cool knight,
A master at battle, he'd win every fight;
Lance was so handsome, rarely he groused,
Top-notch on horseback, best in the joust.

Queen Jenny taken by his special charm,
No royal flush to set forth alarm;
Matters of mattress became fertile ground
But place insiders picked up her sweet sound.

Anger and sadness when Arthur returned,
He felt brokenhearted, fidelity spurned;
King detected treason at his Roundtable
No longer sacred, resembled a stable.

Jenny confronted and given a trial,
Thusly convicted: adultery's guile;
No royal spouse permitted a fling,
Tamper no more: edict from the King.

She burnt in hellfire for disloyalty,
A mere memory amid royalty;
Stern cautionary tale this be
For gullible ones who go on a spree.

Thus Santa's mantra: take not the chance
If mate is away, refrain from romance;
For those ever horny have yet much to fear,
To be neath the hoofs of those seven reindeer.

~~B. Lee Coyne

Salem-News.com Community Writer Barry Lee Coyne brings to our readers stories from his combined career of journalism and gerontology, and explains that these paths shaped his values. Lee Coyne once worked for The Civil Service Leader in NY State and covered the Legislature. He has also done features on mediation and arbitration, and believes in healthy skepticism. This writer-therapist often views the world as the masks of comedy and tragedy placed upon the scales of justice. For him, optimism inevitably wins. "Lyrical Lee" has traveled to 30 nations aboard and was once a press intern at the UN. His first published article was in The NY Daily News in '59, dealing with the need for integrity in public office.

He also launched the nation's first tele-conference on health education for shut-ins, created the Eldermentors project in VA to pair retirees with immigrant students needing role models, and was the main catalyst behind CCTV's "Public Public" panel show here in Salem. Lee received his BA in International Relations and an MSW in community organization. He currently serves as a member of Salem's Library Advisory Board. To send Lee an email, please write to this address: luckycoyne@yahoo.com