Why Michelangelo's David is Uncircumcised

While the typical Jewish reaction is “weren’t our ancestors advanced by making this hygienic practice central to our religion?”

Michelangelo's David

(FREDERICK, MD) - David was a Hebrew and therefore circumcised. As an uncircumcised Italian, maybe Michelangelo was reluctant to sculpt a circumcised penis, but then he could have covered David’s genitals, as Verrocchio had. Why did he insist on portraying David naked and uncircumcised, as Donatello had? Because as homosexual artists, Michelangelo and Donatello understood circumcision’s subconscious purpose, and they were portraying David when he kills Goliath, i.e. when he will become uncircumcised.

Say what? And first of all, what is circumcision’s subconscious purpose?

Even if circumcision was already practiced by the Hebrews’ ancestors, it has been enshrined by the Jewish religion and is therefore not a mere cultural relic from the dark dawn of civilization.

The commandment to circumcise is not buried in one of the secondary books of the Jewish canon: it is the first commandment that God gave to the first Hebrew for him and his descendants to follow, as their side of a sacred covenant, and is therefore a cornerstone of our faith.

While the typical Jewish reaction is “weren’t our ancestors advanced by making this hygienic practice central to our religion?”, those of us who have stopped denying that circumcision removes the best part of the penis and is therefore a net loss (as Maimonides was well aware) are left wondering: how can genital mutilation be a key element of our religion?

In order to understand circumcision’s purpose, let’s first stop intellectually whitewashing it at all. A bunch of men stand around a man who handles, cuts and (traditionally) sucks a boy’s penis to please an old man in the sky. This looks, sounds and feels like a sexual humiliation and a sadomasochistic homosexual rape, and it is… but it has a purpose. According to “The Naked Talmud”, my unorthodox interpretation of history and the Bible:

 Humanity forms a super-organism of which we are all cells: it is the real living God. Its mind is the network formed by our subconscious right brains, and it controls each of us much more than we think.

 “God the Father” (the old man in the sky) is a symbol for the guilt that limits the freedom of humanity: most humans sabotage themselves and thus reduce their freedom because of inherited guilt.

 The Jewish people was designed by humanity to be a scapegoat that it could regularly abuse in order to reduce its guilt, increase its freedom and achieve progress, i.e. to fight God the Father until it can defeat him.

 As a scapegoat, the Jewish people is the slave of God the Father (humanity’s guilt). Since humanity abuses the Jewish people to reduce its guilt, it is God the Father who is abusing the Jewish people.

 In the Bible, the Jewish people is God the Father’s son, his lover and the object of his constant shaming: God the Father keeps screwing the Jewish people in an abusive incestuous relationship.

Circumcision is God the Father screwing the Jews in every generation. It tells the newborn child: your role as a Jew is to get screwed by God the Father, so spread your legs for your first installment, and bleed and cry as your hymen breaks and you lose your intactness forever. It removes the best part of your penis right after you’re born because being Jewish is being screwed. After God told Abraham to circumcise himself (Genesis 17:22), “God went up from Abraham”: he stood up after screwing him. In Joshua 5, after God again told the Hebrews to circumcise themselves, Joshua met a messenger from God who was bearing a sword, he bent over and the messenger told him to “put off thy shoe from off thy foot”: circumcision is God the Father screwing you.

Circumcision gives Jewish suffering a sexual spin, and therein lies its redeeming aspect. During gay sex, the “top” screws the “bottom” and identifies with him, and both get off by feeling like tragic heroes (why do you think many of us like opera?). Likewise, when God the Father abuses the Jewish people, both the bottom (the Jewish people) and the top (its abusers) get to feel sorry for themselves, reduce their guilt, increase their freedom to succeed and achieve progress:

 Jews subconsciously blame their persecution on God the Father (for failing to protect them), so they get to throw some their guilt back at him.

 Christians, who have traditionally been the main persecutors of the Jews, identify with them by identifying with Jesus Christ, a symbol for the Jewish people, and therefore also get to throw some of their guilt back at God the Father for abandoning his son: since he controls everything, he must be behind their own abuse of his chosen people.

The Jewish people is an ancient homosexual hero (from a country close to Greece), who gets screwed by God the Father for the benefit of mankind. King David was not just “friends” with Jonathan: he was homosexual, and not by accident. He is a symbol for the Jewish people. While the cross represents the uncircumcised penis and the homosexual “top”, the star of David represents circumcision and the homosexual “bottom”. Circumcision is so central to Judaism we carry it around our penises, around our necks, on our skullcaps, etc.

While circumcision is a symbol for getting screwed, Christian communion is a symbol for screwing and identifying with the victim. During communion, Christians symbolically eat the body of Christ, but since he is a symbol for the Jewish people, Christians are actually symbolically consuming the foreskins of Jewish babies. This is why for centuries Christians were paranoid about Jews kidnapping Christian babies to use in their rituals (the famous blood libel cases): they were afraid Jews were out to retaliate for what Christians were symbolically doing.

Circumcision and communion are thus two ends of a symbolic homosexual act: Christians screwing Jews, so both can feel sorry for themselves, lower their guilt and achieve progress. In order to protect both groups’ repression of what’s going on, God the Father and his son Jesus Christ stand between those two ends and prevent them from seeing each other.

It is not a coincidence that most of the progress of the last 1000 years was achieved in the West by Christians and Jews. Judaism and Christianity were designed to work together to lower the guilt of a segment of humanity so it could achieve progress and eventually defeat God the Father and increase humanity’s freedom. Islam also played a key role: Muslims are our brothers (Ishmael was Isaac’s brother), who sacrifice their foreskins and their freedom to help the West conquer God the Father. They’re getting tired of waiting.

As for American circumcision, it represents America “walking with Jesus”, i.e. helping the Jewish people fight for freedom and conquer God the Father. All the medical excuses are just a way to express that circumcision protects you against the evil eye of God the Father, i.e. against your own guilt that could sabotage you and reduce your freedom. To be the protectors of the world’s freedom, Americans need to remain free themselves, and are willing to sacrifice their foreskins to reduce their guilt and protect their freedom. Europeans don’t make that sacrifice and as a result they keep having to sacrifice their freedom, as they are today.

Whether or not America really became majority-circumcised when thousands of American foreskins were cut off on the ships that took soldiers over to Europe to fight in World War II, this poignant urban legend expresses how American circumcision is tightly intertwined with America’s efforts to protect the world’s freedom as well as its Jews. America is Israel’s last good friend and the last Christian-majority country to practice mass circumcision. There’s a reason American Jews fear intactivism: along with circumcision could go America’s special friendship with the Jews, as it did in Britain.

Jews, Muslims and Americans are proud of our circumcisions because they make us soldiers in humanity’s fight for freedom (“helmet heads”). It took me a while to sort out my pride from my trauma, but it was there the whole time. Both pride and trauma are present in every circumcised man, and if you’re lucky you’ve repressed your trauma and are just conscious of your pride, instead of the other way around.

The best way for intactivists to reduce these three groups’ attachment to circumcision is first of all to honor their sacrifice by acknowledging its purpose, and then to help them win the fight for freedom so they won’t feel their children need to be circumcised to protect them against the evil eye and to help them fulfill their roles in humanity’s fight for freedom. As long as being uncircumcised in America is seen as the equivalent of being a draft dodger, intactivists will be fighting powerful subconscious forces.

According to my interpretation, the Bible itself foresees a day when the Jewish people will kill its slaveholder God the Father (humanity’s guilt) to free itself and humanity from his yoke. This is the meaning of Moses drowning Pharaoh, Delilah vanquishing Samson and David killing Goliath. The name Israel means “he who fights God and wins”. “Killing God the Father” just means abandoning him by creating a new religion that does not worship a god made of guilt and that helps people decrease their guilt through self-compassion rather than by killing scapegoats (and circumcising babies).

Donatello and Michelangelo portrayed David uncircumcised when he takes on Goliath: the Jewish people will revolt against God the Father and become uncircumcised.

The death of God the Father is the light at the end of the tunnel for humanity. It first became visible in the early Renaissance, prompting Donatello to sculpt his David, the first male nude since antiquity. It’s now high noon.

For more information, please read “The Naked Talmud”. It’s only 99 pages long of which 68 are in appendices, and is available for free at www.totospeaks.org