Masturbation - Salem-News.Com

We cannot say it’s open season on adolescent males by older female teachers. Still it’s going happen, no matter what.

(CALGARY, Alberta) - On the morning of June 23, sixth grade teacher Susan Alderson was arrested at her home and charged with, among others, first degree rape. She had apparently began a sexual relationship in 2002 with a boy who was thirteen at the time. It continued until 2006, when the boy would have been seventeen.

One interesting thing here is that when women are raped, the act occurs over a relatively short span of time, usually minutes. But for young men, the act can take place over months and years. The “victim” in this case is now about nineteen—after whatever apparently happened, having ended about three years ago. Did it take him this long to catch his breath?

We all remember the story of Pinocchio, the little wooden boy. What we don’t think of is, that as time goes by, Pinocchio grows up and becomes a young man—still made of wood, of course. He begins dating and ends up with a human girlfriend. As they become more involved with each other Pinocchio becomes concerned that once they begin to become intimate, she runs the risk of slivers.

So, he goes to Geppetto and explains the problem. Geppetto goes to his work bench, opens a drawer and pulls out a piece of sandpaper. He gives it to Pinocchio, explaining that that will take care of things.

A week or so later, Geppetto is walking down the street and sees Pinocchio. He hails him with, “Hey, Pinocchio. How’s the girlfriend?”

I was thirteen when my dad caught me masturbating. I was sitting in the bathroom—pulling my wire, beating my meat, spanking the monkey, choking the chicken, squeezing the tomato or, as George Carlin put it “plain old, hardcore jacking off”—when I was suddenly startled by a voice telling me to “stop doing that!”. I looked up and there was my dad’s face in the window. He had taken a chair outside so he could stand on it and look in the window which was higher than eye level. I don’t think you could say he caught me by accident.

This was the prim and puritanical late 1950s. I still have on my bookshelf the dictionary we had in our house from that time. The Thorndike-Barnhart Comprehensive Desk Dictionary (1957) defined masturbation as sexual self-abuse. Couldn’t be much clearer, or scarier, than that. I remember my dad explaining the dangers of masturbation to me, like, you’ll go blind. He was bright enough not to believe that I would grow hair on the palms of my hands. This reminds me of the joke I heard many years later. Go blind? I’ll stop as soon as I need glasses.

The first commenter, Steve, wrote: “Its [sic] sad thing to hear of people doing this to kids....and a woman teacher of all things!” This sentence cries out to be parsed.

Puberty in males starts about 12 or 13 which is about the time I became sexually aware. And I think it is overwhelmingly common for adolescent boys to become aware of young female teachers and fantasize about possibilities—no matter how remote. My first infatuation was with Lois S., my seventh grade home room teacher. She had a pretty face, but the main attraction was that she was particularly well built.

I wasn’t the only boy who focussed on her, as my friends and I talked sometimes about what it would be like if she were to ask us to stay after school and, you know…

No one ever knew how it could happen, and at that time no one had ever heard of it happening, but there it was. This reminds me of skit by the late George Carlin called “Teenage Masturbation”. He says, specifically, that if God had not wanted us to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter. “Hey, you, c’mere. Want a job?”

Back to Steve’s comment: Young men have been initiated into the sexual world by older women since time immemorial. It is only in our sexually twisted culture that it is seen to be wrong. Steve said, “and a woman teacher of all things.”

Who else could it be? If it were male teachers hitting on their male students, that would be another story entirely. Or would it? I have a cousin, L, who is gay and now in his early fifties. I know little of his background, but I’ll just surmise, here. Suppose he had been initiated into his sexuality by a male teacher? Would the result have been any different in the formation of his adult male sexual person? I think not.

An interesting aside: The New York Times, for all its claim to be “all the news that’s fit to print” would not use the word “gay”, in the sexual orientation sense, on its pages until 1987 wrote Frank Rich in a recent column.

Let me make clear that I am not, in these otherwise innocent meanderings, advocating support for pedophiles or people who sexually exploit vulnerable individuals. I’m talking about normal sexuality here, which turns out not be normal at all to large segments of the population, including Steve.

How this could all be handled is a quandary. We cannot say it’s open season on adolescent males by older female teachers. Still it’s going happen, no matter what. In my early twenties, I worked with a man named Andy who one day told me, in more detail than I needed to know, about his sexual initiation by a female teacher over several months. I listened to his story, envied him—and remembered Lois S.

In our sexually twisted society, perhaps it’s time to bring in some parental responsibility. By this, I mean that the parents would become aware of the relationship and approve it. By being aware, they could monitor it to a certain extent and try to prevent it from becoming an unhealthy thing. This would primarily be part of the father’s job in raising his son to manhood. In our society, it would, of course, have to be very discrete. And in cases where the father did not approve? Well, depending on the emotions of those involved, it just might go on secretly as it does now.

One thing I can’t help wondering, is why this surfaced three years later. I’ll bet money that religion is involved in some way—the boy has found Jesus or something along those lines. For any would be commenters: Take note that if you want to write about how sex is dirty and she is a sinner, etc., don’t bother. Your comments will be ignored (unless they’re too funny to be ignored).

Oops. gotta run. I had a couple more comments to make, but I just heard that 7-Eleven has the new Penthouse magazine.

Daniel Johnson was born near the midpoint of the twentieth century in Calgary, Alberta. In his teens he knew he was going to be a writer, which is why he was one of only a handful of boys in his high school typing class—a skill he knew was going to be necessary. He defines himself as a social reformer, not a left winger, the latter being an ideological label which, he says, is why he is not an ideologue. From 1975 to 1981 he was reporter, photographer, then editor of the weekly Airdrie Echo. For more than ten years after that he worked with Peter C. Newman, Canada’s top business writer (notably a series of books, The Canadian Establishment). Through this period Daniel also did some national radio and TV broadcasting. He gave up journalism in the early 1980s because he had no interest in being a hack writer for the mainstream media and became a software developer and programmer. He retired from computers last year and is now back to doing what he loves—writing and trying to make the world a better place

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Peter Blind May 22, 2014 8:53 am (Pacific time)

Personally, I would have LOVED for a woman to have given me some sexual attention when I was an adolescent. I said so then, and 30 years later, I say so now. Who is better to teach us how to have sex than someone who is a little older? Laws designed to protect children also hinder our sexual development, and automatically leave out the opinions of those that the laws hope to benefit. We all die someday. As I look back, I realize that it could have been made much better by having some healthy sexual human contact earlier in life. It is a shame to be denied the right to enjoy it.

Daniel Johnson July 2, 2009 3:13 pm (Pacific time)

My apologies. The 1:48 post was me. I forgot to put my name in.

Henry Ruark July 2, 2009 2:39 pm (Pacific time)

"Anon": Re "normal" expression, youth today doing quite well on its own, thank you very much... It is society that needs to move up into the 21st Century, and appreciate how "normal" and, indeed, mostly quite mature millions of our youth really is. We might do better to learn from them, and apply ourselves as too often demanded.

Anonymous July 2, 2009 1:48 pm (Pacific time)

Scott: You didn't use the word "garbage". Someone else did. You called it "smut". (A word I haven't heard in decades). You talk about "healthy sexuality". To this point, no one has addressed the central question. How can society handle normal adolescent sexuality?

Scott July 2, 2009 12:18 pm (Pacific time)

DJ says: "So, anything to do with sex is "garbage" is it." C'mon, I didn't say anything like that. I just protested about your interpretation of healthy sexuality. God created sex, afterall, so what's bad about it? Your response to me was in typical lib "pick, freeze, and polarize" fashion.

Scott July 2, 2009 12:13 pm (Pacific time)

DJ, I apologize for calling you a pervert. Will your dog be featured in an upcoming and loosely-related S-N article? I'm hedging my bets towards your next one being on the merits of "Athenian Love", however parental consent was required in that culture...

Henry Ruark July 2, 2009 9:12 am (Pacific time)

TO ALL and MIKE V.: You misunderstand and pervert the position of editor and writer in replying to comment, sometimes in the same vein, but far more often in pursuit of honest, open and democratic comment itself. There's never anything at all "personal" since the only meeting of minds is via the printed word here, demanding only good faith and some small patience to reach any possible consensus.

One of the greatest dangers to our democracy is the far too often displayed pattern of uninformed, misinformed or even malign-intent comment, all too prevalent across the Internet, to the extent of now motivating FCC and other agency studies for remediation and perhaps even essential control. Misunderstood and abused by far too many is the ease of concealment for such malign and damaging comment via easy use of anonymous or other concealing origin.

That perverts the essential responsibility and accountability intended in the First Amendment, per many well-debated decisions by the Supreme Court. (Documentation on request to Editor with full ID.)
Writers bear responsibility for full further explanation and even defense of their own statements here; the Editor has further responsibilities to the general readership as well as to his writers. For full discussion on this issue, see early Op Ed in our STAFF Written by...line for HCR.

Mike V. July 2, 2009 12:59 am (Pacific time)

To quote a Seinfeld episode, “I’m speechless! I’m without speech.” I wasn’t offended so much as I was taken aback. Without trying to be rude I probably would be so I refrain from commenting directly to this article. However, normality within a functioning society like NA is subject to the extremes at both ends. Salem-News is edging towards one of those endpoints. To be fair, the first question that comes to mind, is masturbation taboo? I think not. What about HOW the subject is approached and presented in media? In the infamous Seinfeld show, The Contest, masturbation was the whole theme of the episode, but that was a sitcom, and Salem-News is not. I won’t be reading, nor commenting here further. Not because of this story, but because of something that I find more offensive and debase - the demeaning way that the editor lashes out at some for the comments they leave on this site. The editor says, to some, the very same things as the ones who leave the “offending” messages in the first place. It’s like the pot calling the kettle black. It’s a double standard at its worst. That’s perverse. So, so long Salem-News! Good luck with all that!

Editor: Glad there are other places for you to visit, hasta!

Daniel Johnson July 1, 2009 10:19 pm (Pacific time)

JB: Your comment raises another aspect of this situation--that of harm. If the young man came along later with these charges, as he has, the first question I would ask him is: Did you enjoy it? After all, I think it's true--sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. The only way he could honestly say he didn't enjoy it is if she actually ABUSED him in some physical way--tied him up, humiliated him, that sort of thing. That would be abuse and criminally wrong. But if they had NORMAL sex and he said he didn't enjoy it, that would be a reflection of his having internalized society's distorted standards. Let's not lose sight of the frame of the situation--Everything is defined based on antiquated attitudes about sex. A good analogy is of the drug laws today largely being based on the Academy Award winning movie "Reefer Madness". Some commenter said a crime is a crime. A crime is not an absolute. It depends on the society and there are and have been societies far less uptight than us.

steve July 1, 2009 9:41 pm (Pacific time)

I agree with the author. Learning the ropes from a hot older women would not be the worst thing in the world. I think I have even heard of some sort of remote tribe that practiced this.

JB July 1, 2009 9:01 pm (Pacific time)

Daniel, so if you were raped and reported it years later that would be a bad thing? Why are you making the victim the bad guy?

Editor: JB, I am going to publish this but that "what if you were raped" or "what if it was your kid" scenario is not in my opinion a fair argument. That can be applied the other way just as easily. We have been one of the news agencies following the recent law in Oregon that extends the age of sex abuse victims who come forward from 24 to 40. I mean we rooted for it here, we have friends who are survivors. I can't speak for him, but I suspect DJ completely agrees with the idea of that overdue law moving forward.

Daniel Johnson July 1, 2009 7:23 pm (Pacific time)

Scott: You call me a "pervert". Now you've hurt my dog's feelings. Be a man and apologize.

Daniel Johnson July 1, 2009 7:03 pm (Pacific time)

So, anything to do with sex is "garbage" is it. We in NA live in one of the most sexually distorted societies in history, perhaps even more so than the Victorians of the 19th century. Look at the facts: Males enter puberty at ages around 12 or 13, thus becoming potentially sexually active. What is to be done with this biological force? We have many other biological attibutes--from eating, defecating, even sneezing--all of which occur within societal boundaries. Sex is outside the pale. The natural result of damming up any force, is distortion. In the sexual sphere this distortion is called perversion--from the basic level of masturbation through to addictions to pornography to full fledged sexual perversions (I don't need to name any). The issue I am raising is how society can adjust itself to dealing with sexuality in a positive way that will lead to societal growth. Think about all the sexual perversions, REAL child abuse, etc., that has come out of the Catholic Church. This is because enforced celibacy among adult men, which tries to dam up a natural urge, has to be channeled somewhere, ergo, pedophilia and unnatural homosexualty (unnatural in the sense that men who would normally be heterosexual are forced into sexual relationships with other men). I don't know the anwers to these questions, but was just trying to ASK the questions in an interesting, even entertaining way. What you say about my article, says more about you and your attitudes than it says about what I actually wrote.

Scott July 1, 2009 1:52 pm (Pacific time)

S-N why would you publish this junk? I hope it's intended as a joke gone bad. I hope I have completely misunderstood something here. I read the S-N site often, and I enjoy sprited discussions about important issues - it's what keeps me coming back to S-N even as I know for sure I'm in the minority of the audience here (conservative). No discussion on this piece though. It's straight-up smut. Ramblings from a pervert. The author actually advocates for discrete illegal association between minors and adults. Gee, DJ, maybe parents could film the act, too, and review it later with all parties. You really set the bar low with this one, S-N. I'm shocked.

Editor: Here we go again Scott with your insulting words, and your absolute inability to express yourself without just being mean spirited about it. I am glad you visit the site and I do want people of a more conservative nature to be here, but this is straight talk and it is humorous and it is not "junk" as you so incorrectly state. We aren't the 700 Club and never will be and yet for the most part, I believe our general overall message of peace and tolerance is more on the money than their false religious (Give me money for God or I will die...) BS ever will be. Sex is part of life, and you are living in the 50's man in some Ozzie and Harriet land of fiction. The thing that sucks about you, is that in your typical "conservative" fashion (Being a member of the GOP doesn't have to make you part of the LIAR'S CLUB) you have to make it up to even have it exist. DJ clearly states, "Let me make clear that I am not, in these otherwise innocent meanderings, advocating support for pedophiles or people who sexually exploit vulnerable individuals." but you probably think that if you lie about what he wrote in this comment, that people will believe it. Well, they won't. People aren't as stupid as you apparently think the way they are.

Sharon July 1, 2009 1:24 pm (Pacific time)

Interesting rabbit trail you went down, I guess poetic license(?), with the story at hand...we live in a society where sexual lines are being re-drawn on all levels. I guess people assume all moral bounds will be broken down soon enough by legislation. Extrememly foolish are those who think they can ignore the laws set in place to protect our children and give them a childhood. In the olden days people knew where the lines were, and though it seems human nature to push the envelope and see what we can get away with, at times, many of us learn to respect societies boundaries and try to live within them. Why would someone in their "right mind" choose to lose their liberty and job over something so avoidable? How foolish, how irresponsible, how perverse and unexceptable! (Especially from a teacher...they are human, of course, but should have more self control than that.) There should be a tougher sentence for someone who has chosen authority over children as a career.

Mike H. July 1, 2009 11:41 am (Pacific time)

DJ, if it's not too much of a hassle, I would love to meet the woman in your photograph. Haha JK. Something I find really interested...typically the age of consent in the states is 18...but if you are in the military the age of consent for your partner is lowered to 16. How cool is that? According to somebody, if you are with military personnel, you all of a sudden are mature enough to make those sorts of decisions. Maybe someone has an explanation for that one for me...

just a boy July 1, 2009 11:15 am (Pacific time)

Maybe the boy was too humiliated to quickly come forward. If we were talking about a 13 year old girl, and her inability to stop the abuse or handle it until an older age, I doubt you'd have the same attitude. Abuse is abuse. Even if it's done to a BOY. Where's your compassion? This isn't every kid's fantasy, even if it was one of yours.

Yeah Right July 1, 2009 10:21 am (Pacific time)

This garbage belongs in a NEWS site? Please. I'm not a prude by any means or measure, but this is totally out of place for a serious site. Let's just say that your IMPLIED idea of what a teacher should act like appears to be totally outrageous. I never peeked in my kid's windows to see if they were, you know. Not like my dad did. But we made it perfectly clear what was and was not acceptable behavior, especially as it concerned adults. It is criminal for any young person to be "initiated" by an "older person". Criminal. With good reason. Even if you think it's great to fantasize. Probably even more so because you appear to do so.

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