Safe People Vs. Unsafe People

"Truth is generally the best vindication against slander"- Abraham Lincoln

Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't - Amazon

(MYRTLE BEACH, S.C.) - A dear friend recently recommended a book to me entitled "Safe People - How to Find Relationships That Are Good For You -- And Avoid Those That Aren't" written by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

Initially I thought it would help in keeping strong professional relationships with agencies I work with on a daily basis at exposing the "dark side" of pharma, but I also discovered the authors gave very good, sound advice on personal relationships as well. We all like to think that the people we have in our lives are "safe people" -- not only family and friends -- but also pastors, physicians and those in whom we put our trust and confidence.

I thought our readers might benefit from Drs. Cloud and Townsend and their insight -- especially if a person in a "trust" position oversteps their boundaries and becomes an "unsafe person."

SAFE PEOPLE

1. Value love - connection - have the ability to trust.

2. Value responsibility (take responsibility for themselves and value that in others). Neither overly dependent on others nor codependent - feeling responsible for others.

3. Value honesty - ability to be known - transparent - who they really are.

4. Working on their own issues.

5. Respond to truth.

6. Have a good track record (may fail, but learn from failure and move on -- are in progress of making a good track record even if this is a new beginning for them).

7. Can be observed and tested - see them in interactions with other people (test them with a small part of yourself, share a part of your heart and see what happens).

8. Bear good fruit in your life by being with them (encourage you to grow individually and in your connection with other people). UNSAFE PEOPLE 1. Think they have it all together instead of admitting their weaknesses. 2. Are defensive instead of open to feedback.

3. Are self-righteous instead of humble.

4. Only apologize instead of changing their behavior.

5. Avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them.

6. Demand trust, instead of earning it.

7. Believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults.

8. Blame others instead of taking responsibility.

9. Will lie instead of being honest.

10. Are stagnant instead of growing.

11. Avoid closeness instead of connecting.

12. Are only concerned about "I" instead of "we" (not relationship centered)

13. Resist freedom instead of encouraging it.

14. Condemn us instead of forgiving us.

15. Stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals.

16. Are unstable over time instead of being consistent.

17. Are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one. 18. Gossip instead of keeping our confidences.

LP - Love is the total acceptance of what is -- what was -- what will be -- and what won't be!

Marianne is a nurse having graduated in 1991 as president of her graduating class. She also has a Paralegal certification. Marianne served on a Community Service Board for the Courier News, a Gannet newspaper in NJ writing articles predominantly regarding AIDS patients and their emotional issues. She was awarded a Community Service Award in 1993 by the Hunterdon County, NJ HIV/AIDS Task Force in recognition of and appreciation for the donated time, energy and love in facilitating a Support Group for persons with HIV/AIDS.

oxydeaths.com/news_chilling.htm
nytimes.com/2007/05/10/business/11drug-web.html?
blog.nj.com/njv_bob_braun/2007/07/sometimes_only_justice_can_rel.html
judiciary.senate.gov/hearings/testimony.cfm?id=2905&wit_id=6612
You can send Marianne an email at: mskolek@aol.com
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