Lessons from LeBron: Four Life Lessons to Teach Your Kids About the NBA Star's Moment of Unsport

Kelly Johnson, the editor of a book written by athletes and other American heroes, weighs in on LeBron James's recent much-publicized breach of sports etiquette.

Courtesy: authenticsportscollectibles.com

RICHMOND, Va. - He's been called a lot of things: King James, The Chosen One, and most recently, MVP. A young man with a lot of talent, the Cleveland Cavaliers' LeBron James has secured his place in NBA history and in the hearts of fans across the country.

Critics and fans alike have heralded him as an all-around good guy—for being generous with his time and money, gracious with fans, and, despite his fame, generally down-to-earth (especially for one so young). And that's just when he's off the court. So in light of that stellar reputation, what can we make of his recent brush with unsportsmanlike conduct?

According to Kelly Johnson, James should be neither vilified nor excused for his recent refusal to shake hands with the team who defeated him. Rather, his behavior should be used as a teachable moment for the kids who look up to him.

"Parents, coaches, and other authority figures need to talk to boys about what happened," notes Johnson, editor of the new book A Better Man: True American Heroes Speak to Young Menon Love, Power, Pride and What It Really Means to Be a Man (Brandylane Publishers, Inc., 2009, ISBN: 978-1-883911-84-3, $25.95)."Basically, the message is, 'In most situations there's a hard road and an easy road. Very often, the hard road is also the right road. LeBron had the chance to take it and he didn't. He let the NBA down, his team down, and his fans down. And he's better than that.'"

Here's what happened: At the end of the NBA Eastern Conference finals, after a hard battle between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Orlando Magic, the Magic prevailed. Despite the league's policy that all players show sportsmanlike conduct and shake hands after the game, James just walked away. Refusing to do any media interviews or to congratulate players from the opposing team, he walked off the court, much to the chagrin of fans and NBA Commissioner David Stern, and it ended up earning him a $25,000 fine from the league.

"LeBron has a lot of influence with young men," notes Johnson. "His reputation precedes him. And just because he's deeply disappointed doesn't mean he's excused from doing the right thing."

Taking the high road is one of the values Johnson's book celebrates. A Better Man is a compilation of interviews and essays from some of the most successful and engaging men in America today. Its pages are filled with words of wisdom from men ranging from former military officers to current NBA stars who share the lessons they've learned about what it really means to be a man.

Johnson says her book is meant to fill the moral void left by a time-crunched society and a popular culture that celebrates the acquisition of power and money at all costs, not to mention sex, violence, and self-gratification. It's also a great way to get the message of some of America's true heroes to our young men in an effective way.

And in the wake of James's recent misconduct, Johnson has identified a few important lessons we can teach our sons about the importance of good sportsmanship:

Make sure your (positive) reputation precedes you. While LeBron's unsportsmanlike conduct may be big news this week, chances are that this will be forgotten in the long run—and won't even factor in to the overall legacy he leaves behind. Why? Because his many "rights" far outweigh this single "wrong." LeBron is known for being a nice guy who gives back to his community and who carries himself with integrity. Unlike athletes before him, LeBron has managed to stay away from any sort of scandal and has earned the respect of his fellow athletes and the media for his talent and his sense of character.

"LeBron's reputation is in no danger of being permanently tarnished," says Johnson. "His previous behavior reveals the person he truly is and shows this is an isolated incident. What we have to explain to our boys is that while you may not always make the right decisions in life, people will be much quicker to forgive and forget if you've proven yourself with your actions in the past."

It's okay to be emotional. In post-game interviews, James has explained that he was upset about losing that game and that it was too hard for him to congratulate the winners in that moment. This is not surprising, considering that society demands that men not let their emotions get the best of them, or to let them show in public if they do. It's not fair, or healthy, to ask men to stoically suppress their emotional responses, Johnson points out—and this is a great opportunity for you to address this fact.

"Young boys look up to athletes because they are strong and manly—like real-life heroes," says Johnson. "And in this instance, it's important to point out to young boys that men, even superstar athletes like LeBron James, can be upset and sad over a loss, and it's okay. But also explain that it's the right thing—the manly thing—to overcome those hurt feelings and congratulate the winners, no matter how much you may not want to."

Always act as if someone is watching you. A good rule of thumb is to carry yourself as if you are always being watched and make decisions in this context. In LeBron's case, of course, he actually isbeing watched by millions of people nearly all the time. And his choices and actions are scrutinized on SportsCenter the next day. He has consistently made good choices to this point, an indicator that he is aware of the responsibility that comes with being in the public eye.

"Even though your son may not have to worry about ESPN reporting his bad decisions, he does have a responsibility to those around him," says Johnson. "Explain that he is being watched by his peers, his teachers, his siblings, and you. He owes it to himself to carry himself in a way that is indicative of the good person that he is and to set a good example for others."

Make it right the next time. So LeBron James made a mistake. It happens, and there's a good chance it may happen again. The true test of character is how he handles himself going forward—and that will determine the outcome of this incident and whether or not he lets it define him. Explain to your kids that most of the time people won't remember what you did, but they will remember what you didn't do.

"You have to instill in your kids that if they are wrong, it is their responsibility to admit to it, apologize, and do what needs to be done to make it right," says Johnson. "And if the situation ever arises again in the future, it's your chance to show that you've learned from your mistakes and to do the right thing the next time around. Making a mistake is one thing; being a repeat offender is something entirely different."

Here's the bottom line, says Johnson. LeBron is not only a great competitor; he's a terrific person as well. It's incredibly difficult—whether in the NBA or the Little League—to shake hands with the victor after a difficult loss. And yet, it is unquestionably the right thing to do. It is the standard to which we must hold ourselves in competition.

"Okay, LeBron didn't make a scene or go on a rant—but he missed an opportunity to reach for greatness," she notes. "And I mean the kind of greatness that doesn't come with a trophy. He's done too much good for one mistake to make a difference in the credit he deserves; but I do hope that he might reflect on his choice and make a different one from here on out.

"Why? Because he sets the standard," adds Johnson. "When you are that good, you set the standard that others follow. And if you can find it within yourself to take a terrible loss with grace and class, then you stand alongside giants. Then, as Ray Allen says in my book, you're a true champion."

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About the Editor:

Kelly H. Johnson is an attorney, writer, and the mother/stepmother of five sons and one daughter. She holds a BBA from the University of Notre Dame and a law degree from the College of William and Mary, Marshall-Wythe School of Law. She served as law clerk to the Honorable Harry L. Carrico, then Chief Justice of the Virginia Supreme Court, prior to entering private practice with the law firm Williams, Mullen, Clark and Dobbins. She remained there, in the firm's litigation department, until becoming a full-time mother.

An occasional lead singer in a local rock band, Ms. Johnson has written for both local and national parenting magazines including Richmond Woman on-line, Memphis Parent Magazine, Charlotte Parent, V Magazine for Women, Fifty Plus, and Family Fun.She is a frequent contributor to the widely distributed Richmond Parents Monthly, and her work appears in the compilations The Imperfect Mom—Candid Confessions of Mothers Living in the Real World(Doubleday), It's a Girl—Women Writers on Raising Daughters (Seal Press), and in the forthcoming Love Wins (SmileyBooks).

Ms. Johnson lives in Richmond, Virginia, with her husband, Fred, and their children, who outnumber them three to one.

For more information, please visit abettermanbook.com.

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