Small Talk Can Mean a Big Deal

My conclusion as an explorer of human relations is that "small talk" often reaps big positive results.

knowledgecenter.unr.edu

(SALEM) - When much, much younger, I mistakenly thought that intelligence was what made me worthwhile as a person. My brain was viewed as my most important functioning organ, and so those feeble attempts to spout "knowledge" drove the engine.

I can recall how at age 8 or 9 my father would march me in front of other adults as a show-and-tell showcase he could glorify about. My self-trained skills in retaining the capitals of US states and countries made me seem like a child prodigy. Dad was so intent in promoting his own prestige that I became his willing accomplice.

However, at some point in my career as a journalist-therapist, the limits of displaying "brain power" dawned on me. People soon tire of being spoon-fed more knowledge, unless of course they deliberately seek it. So I had to learn to harness myself and instead hone a new skill.

Let's call that skill "small talk", idle chitchat that amuses and entertains. Not just a series of unending unsolicited jokes. Small talk involves connecting with the topic of the moment. It may invoke an anecdote. Gosh, I love making that connection.

Just today in the supermarket, I saw a little girl crying as her frustrated mom carted her through the aisles. Fishing into my bag-of-tricks, I went over and asked her just where she had hidden her smile.

Was it in her pocket? Can she take it out for me? She grasped onto that bait to stop crying. I broadly smiled at her and she smiled back, just as I had intended. I told her how she was "much prettier" when smiling.

Her mother beamed back, approvingly.

A week earlier, I had been on an agonizingly slow elevator. Just about everyone had grown impatient and grumpy. We all felt stymied until I piped up,"Hey, this elevator seems to have a mind of its own, just like some people we know." Grins took over all who were present. I had turned frustration into elation with a dose of humor.

Shopping for things in department stores can also bring angst and anxiety, more so when we find ourselves squeezing through crowds. My subtle wit is mobilized as I utter these comments: "Pardon me, I need to navigate through - that's the story of my entire life!" The public certainly can relate to that theme being a reality.

The other day I noted to a customer service rep that their job must be a challenge.

Instant agreement came back. Then I wondered if the employer should include the "fringe benefit" of having aspirin on everyone's desk. The rep found that awesome.

Of course, every sales clerk at the register inevitably runs into customers who seem overly aggressive and quick to toss around insults. We all encounter such people.

To that situation I suggest: "Why not push the delete button when they come by?"

Ah, if life worked as though it were a computer screen!"

They enjoy that notion for a moment, even if it's stuff made of fantasy.

My conclusion as an explorer of human relations is that "small talk" often reaps big positive results. It may not be a game-changer but it's absolutely a mood-changer.

All of us need that relief from everyday tensions. Laughter is that lubrication. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOTE: Lee has indulged in distilled wit during his half-century in journalism. Currently he ad libs with gusto in his weekly radio show on Radio KMUZ-FM. He'd welcome your reaction at: notcoy@netzero.net.