Welcome to Oregon: Land of Domestic Abuse Endorsement

This is part two in a special series by Author Coral Theill, who survived years of marital rape and abuse in Oregon. Her abuser has evaded punishment and has custody of her children to this day.

Coral Anika Theill

(DALLAS, Ore.) - Since I am only a name to you and not a “face,” I am asking that you imagine yourself, or your own daughter, sister or mother as the woman in this story. I also ask you to respect my courage for sharing my personal holocaust with you.

I moved to Oregon in 1976 due to my marriage to Mr. Marty Warner of Independence, Oregon, a former employee of CH2M Hill, Hewlett Packard and presently, Clair Company engineering firm in Corvallis, Oregon. I was a homemaker and nurturing mother of eight children for almost 20 years.

Physical exhaustion, birth trauma, post-partum depression, long-term marital and ritual abuse and a home environment that gave no support contributed to my physical and mental collapse in April 1993.

My husband's response to my breakdown was to isolate me further. He took me to several Christian "counselors.” They told me I was a selfish woman, that I had a serious spiritual problem and God was punishing me because I had not learned how to submit to my husband and the religious "authorities" God had placed over me. They believed God was punishing me. I was subjected to their rituals of prayer and exorcism.

In 1994, my husband also left me at the "Wing's of Love" half-way house on Killingsworth in Portland, Oregon, a shelter for ex-cons and street people, to "break me" (his words) to the will of God. The house was filthy and rat-infested. My husband’s debt free estate, at this time, was over a quarter- of- a million dollars. It was a frightening experience during the period of my illness/breakdown for my “abuser” ex-husband, his cult leaders and religious supporters to be in charge of my “recovery program.”

Story continues below

During the period of my illness/breakdown in 1993-1995, while I was nearly catatonic, my husband used me sexually, raped, beat and impregnated me. According to Oregon law, this is a criminal act. (Extensive documentation is available through many sources, including my ex husband’s admission in court of using me sexually and impregnating me while I was unable to care for the children or myself).

Due to suffering these acts, I filed criminal rape charges against my ex-husband, Mr. Warner in 1999. District Attorney John Fisher, Polk County, and District Attorney Donna Kelly, Wasco County, did nothing to bring justice in this case. Many people believe rape is justifiable, if the husband commits rape. Even though our laws say differently, many prosecutors refuse to “enforce” them.

In 1996, one of my physicians commented on my ordeal, stating that if I could have had proper medical attention, and had been free of being raped, impregnated, beaten and further abused by my ex-husband and his religious supporters during my illness, my recovery would have only taken months instead of a couple of years. He was surprised, but pleased, that I had survived.

After healing from this broken state in 1995, I came to the conclusion that continuing in this way of life would eventually kill me.

Throughout the years of our marriage, my ex husband had always threatened that if I sought safety, he would take my children from me. Despite his threats, I retained an attorney in the winter of 1995, initially for intervention for my children, and secondly for my own safety. The price of my safety has been an imposed, unnatural and unwanted separation from my eight children. This is a choice no mother should ever be forced to make, a price no women should be ever be forced to pay for the sake of her own safety.

During the temporary custody hearings, my physicians and the custody evaluator recommended to Judge Norblad that my younger children and nursing infant remain in my care because I had been the primary caregiver, was a nurturing mother and was fully recovered from my former depression; even so, I lost custody of my eight children, including my nursing infant in 1996. Judge Norblad had expressed in Court that he was going to follow the recommendation of my physicians by leaving my younger children with me. No explanation for the judge’s change of opinion was ever offered to me. (Judge Albin Norblad has a long history of removing babies and young children from good, nurturing mothers.)

To this day, I do not understand why attorneys did not bring up the criminal actions of my ex-husband during my civil divorce trial. Both Mr. David Gearing and Mr. Mark Lawrence were aware of my previous breakdown and my pregnancies during the time of my breakdown. In Feb. 1996, Judge Albin Norblad, Marion County Circuit Court Judge, laughed with my ex-husband, Mr. Marty Warner, in court about the fact that it was so easy for me to get pregnant, even while I was in a nearly catatonic condition and suffering from a mental/emotional breakdown years earlier. Friends in the courtroom did not share Judge Norblad or Mr. Warner’s sense of humor. (See transcript at bonshea.com click on Judge Norblad)

I was not the only woman my ex-husband abused. Read the notarized statement submitted to the court in 2003 by Debbie Custis, a former co-worker of Mr. Marty Warner. (See bonshea.com click on Debbie Custis Affdavit)

Bridgeport Community Chapel in Dallas, Oregon, supported Mr. Marty Warner throughout the custody and divorce proceedings. My friends and I wrote Pastor Ron Sutter of Bridgeport Chapel several times. He never responded to any of our letters. (See “Letters” at bonshea.com )

Dr. Racquel Bergen, in her document, “Marital Rape,” writes, “In a study of battered women, Bowker (1983) found that they ranked clergy members as the least helpful of those to whom they had turned for assistance. The emphasis of some religious institutions on wives’ responsibility “to obey their husbands” and the sinfulness of women’s refusal to have sexual intercourse with their husbands, perpetuate the problem of marital rape. Most researchers of marital rape agree that rape in marriage is an act of violence---an abuse of power by which a husband attempts to establish dominance and control over his wife.”

Abuse begins in the minds of a community that allows and accepts it.

In 2004, my “Christian” ex-husband, Mr. Warner, appealed a court decision, concerning our case, to the Oregon State of Appeals. Even though I was homeless, destitute and disabled, he wanted more monies from me in child support. (Mr. Warner owns a large debt free home and acreage, has stock, savings and retirement accounts and income from working as a professional engineer for 35 years.) Although the appeal was denied, I was again forced to defend myself with no resources and no legal assistance, further adding to my trauma. After this case, Mr. Warner initiated another case against me with the Polk County courts for further child support.

While in the midst of surviving the horrors of my divorce case, in 1998, I was also a victim of ‘therapist exploitation,’ unethical and unprofessional conduct by a physician/therapist involved in my court case. My physician gave my personal information to his unlicensed associate without my permission. (Both of the therapists worked for the Veterans’ Administration). I was later threatened, stalked, robbed, beaten and strangled by his associate. In February 2005, Oregon Circuit Court Judge Tom Hart read the documentation I submitted, including court records and letters written by my physician/therapist admitting his breech of my client confidentiality. Judge Tom Hart was alarmed and recommended I report this physician immediately to the Oregon Medical Board. I followed his advice and sent the documentation along with my complaint against this physician to the Oregon Medical Board.

The Oregon Medical Board’s ruling was in favor of my physician. The physician's breech of my client confidentiality did not qualify as “misconduct or unethical.”

Numerous physicians, nurses, advocates and professionals who were familiar with this case of “therapist exploitation” also recommended I report the abuse to protect future victims. While I was in shock from the loss of my children and the ongoing court trauma in Oregon, I was “prey” for these two “pseudo therapists.” I write this to you today, because the abuse and exploitation by my doctor and his unlicensed associate violated me to an even greater degree than all the other abuse I had endured to date.

Even though there may be no justice, I continue “give voice to the violence,” write books, post websites and continue to believe in vindication, restitution, justice and "one fine day". I was a guest speaker for a Task Force, including judges, police, and advocates regarding these two therapists in an effort to assist the court system. (See advocateweb.com)

In 2007 I was nominated for the Boston R.O.S.E. Fund Award, for women who have turned the overwhelming adversity of being a victim of domestic violence into a success story of being a survivor, and the Sheila Wellstone Award, which honors individuals and/or organizations who demonstrate an outstanding commitment to safe and healthy homes and communities and are a champion for the cause of ending domestic violence.

Recently, I was nominated by a U.S. Marine for the “Women of Courage” series and selected by expressionist artist Andrea Harris for the next portrait in her series (AndreaHarris.com). My portrait and story will be on exhibition in public places throughout the U.S. to help champion my cause. “Woman of Courage” is an educational series celebrating women who have embodied courage and nurtured those qualities in others and who have inspired others to pursue their dreams.

Conclusion

People have asked me what I have learned from the local (Polk and Marion County Oregon) judicial and religious systems these past twelve years. I candidly share with them that I have learned that in this dominator society “my body is not mine, but belongs to the community that upholds male dominance and female possession and ownership. By being possessed (occupied), the female becomes, weak, depleted, and usurped, in all her physical and mental energies and capacities by the one who has physically taken her, by the one who occupies her. Her body is used up, and the will is raped.”

I ask, is this what our society is telling me, that, 'masculinity is still measured by how well a man controls his wife in the house and his horse in the field...the men as a body politic have power over women. They decide how women will suffer; which sadistic acts against the bodies of women will be construed to be 'normal.' ---Andrea Dworkin

I have concluded, by my present circumstances, that the judicial and religious organizations, and people who have aided my former husband all embrace the same views regarding women and children. They believe male power is absolute over women and great harm will come to those who question and/or defy that power. In America domestic violence is still acceptable, people are still 'living in ignorance about this subject'...even in the churches.

“The most violent element in society is ignorance.” I believe this is the mentality that causes and perpetuates abuse.” ---Ellen Goldman

In his profound book, Man's Search for Meaning, Dr. Viktor E. Frankl writes, 'When we understand the why we can do any how. Understanding that our religious and judicial systems are based on patriarchal power and control has been the secret of my survival through these past years of horror. Liberating myself through the power of forgiveness has been a continual strength, but still I long for freedom, dignity, honor and equality, not only for myself, but also for everyone.

I have learned that those who commit depraved, inhumane and criminal acts toward others do not think or feel or act from a 'place of truth, communion, respect, individuality, clear self-awareness, and union with the Creator.’

My ex-husband, Mr. Warner, the judges, attorneys and district attorneys involved in my case, act from a place of separation. They do not feel pain, and they do anything they want to do to another human being without thought of the other's feelings, pain or suffering.

Through it all, I have learned to cast light on darkness. “Evil (ignorance) is like a shadow. It has no real substance of its own; it is simply a lack of light. You cannot cause a shadow to disappear by trying to fight it, stamp on it, by railing against it, or any other form of emotional or physical resistance. In order to cause a shadow to disappear, you must shine light on it.” - Shakti Gawai

These past years, I have asked myself, “What does the human spirit need in order to heal and move on?” They need a safe place to share their pain and be acknowledged, they need compassion, they need to know that they (and others) will be protected from their perpetrator(s), they need accountability----someone who will hold the perpetrator accountable, they need restitution or material compensation for the losses incurred by the victim, and they need justice and vindication (not revenge)---to be set free. Scars remain, but healing is sufficient so as not to continue to be held in bondage to the trauma.

A judge’s signature on a white sheet of paper can be a shattering experience for an individual.

As long as society, victim advocate groups and the judicial system, chooses to turn a blind eye whenever control and manipulation tactics are practiced by a custodial parent through courtroom litigation in order to separate child from mother (or father); and refuses to act against this lowest and most hateful form of spousal revenge, justice cannot be served. As long as those who hold the power fail to acknowledge and support the rights of non-custodial parents, justice cannot be achieved.

“Justice is itself the great standing policy of civil society and any departure from it under any circumstances lies under the suspicion of being no policy at all.”---quote found in the Justice Building in Salem, Oregon.

I implore you to help me find justice.

When there is no justice, there is truly no healing.

I remind all those around me to not forget the millions of women and children who are veterans of intimate wars and private anguish and for whom terror at home is business as usual.

Respectfully,

Coral Anika Theill

Published book website: bonshea.com
Coral Anika Theill, author, artist and advocate, teaches that we become ‘healed healers’ when we embrace our own suffering and pain – Making Light of the Dark. She is a volunteer for the USO and assists with wounded soldier programs. She is presently writing a book entitled, “The Gift of Healing is Your Birthright.”

For more information on cases of mother’s losing custody in family court see: stopfamilyviolence.org, endabuse.org, mothers-of-lost-children.com, thelizlibrary.org, batteredmotherscustodyconference.org Tim King, Editor’s Note:
If you are shocked and alarmed by the injustice regarding her case, then I ask you to speak out against the injustice and intervene. Silence gives the message to the judges and district attorneys that they have done what is right, according to you, the community. If you are uncomfortable with the circumstances Coral has survived, then I encourage you to let the following individuals know how you feel by letter or phone: What has been allowed in Coral Theill's case, could easily happen to you or someone close to you.

Justice needs our voice.

Contact: Governor Ted Kulongoski (503) 378-4582

Attorney General Hardy Meyers (503) 378-4400

District Attorney John Fisher and
Deputy District Attorney Martha Hill (503) 623-9268

Coral Anika Theill’s published book, BONSHEA, has been used as a college text for nursing students at Linfield College. Coral received a “Writer’s Award” in 2002 from iUniverse Publishing, Inc. BONSHEA is also recommended as a “survivor” story by the National Domestic Violence Resource Center in Pennyslvania. You can also find BONSHEA: Making Light of the Dark by Coral Anika Theill at the Salem, Corvallis, Albany, Independence, Monmouth and Linn Benton and Chemeketa Community Colleges. Copies are also available at Borders Bookstore in Corvallis, Oregon.

TO ORDER ONLINE: BONSHEA: Making Light of the Dark by Coral Anika Theill: iuniverse.com, barnesandnoble.com or amazon.com. Read 12 five star reviews at: barnesandnoble.com Toll free: 1-877-823-9235 iUniverse Publishing, Inc. or coraltheill@hotmail.com ISBN: 0-595-25658-9 (pbk) ISBN: 0-595-65240-9 (cloth) Copyright 2003

To see part one in this special two part report by Coral Theill, visit: Marital Rape and Abuse Victim Seeks Justice From Oregon's Governor

This is the original Salem-News.com article by Tim King on Coral Theill's plight: Abuse Under the Watch of Oregon's Justice System

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My grandchildren witnessed their father being repeatedly abused by their mother and testified in court about the violent acts saying "When mom punches my dad really hard it scares me." Judge Hart ignored the childrens testimony and gave custody to the mom. How wrong is this? Women are not the only victims of domestic violence. They are batterers just like some men. The only difference is men feel too ashamed to tell. Women have resources such as domestic violence shelters. Men have nothing. How biased is that? I really doubt if you will post this. It's all about making the man look like the abuser and not bringing attention to both women and men abusers.

Judge Hart allows women to lie during court, present altered and falsified documents when ordered to submit documents. When evidence is presented that the woman lied and purposely altered the documents he says nothing to them. He lets woman lie and falsify documents and encourages it by ignoring proof. So go ahead and lie to him. He will do nothing.

July 4, 2008 "Liberty is the only thing you cannot have unless you are willing to give it to others." ---William Allen White I long to be emancipated from my abusive ex husband, Mr. Marty Warner and the Oregon judicial system that has fully supported him to this day. I want the right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

Just a quick comment about Vic's observation reference the "cover picture". Sometimes....i.e., ALL THE TIME, you must "lead the horse to water". To say, a hideous hag photo would not draw eye focus. Also, I must say, for every battered woman, this MUST be an encouragement to survival with visual that you CAN continue to look DYNAMITE! PLUS....domestic battering is not ADVERTISED by the family, but rather hidden and in many guises. It would seem this also the message. So....Vic Dear....you're most valuable, and thank you! -charms-

Oh my....and how best to say this, other than....in all MY years of domestic court inflicted trauma fueled by a male of low-self esteem who can only feel secure when he's harming someone else, is....that.....THE WOMEN whom I've met in this PARALLEL circumstance...ARE it seems without exception, LOVELY and INTELLIGENT. And gee....worst of all, she can THINK for herself. Her only FLAW...having the poor luck to attract someone who is emotionally incomplete. So...gee...don't be angry with her because she's pretty! -charms- Written in haste and in thought after having skimmed the posts, as I was both amused and annoyed! Trust I've written in an understandable manner! ;-D

It would be great if the systems worked but they are broken what appears to be beyond repair.

The re-victimization of battered women and children in this country by the family court system rises to the level of the need for an underground railroad.

Everyday I wake up in a nightmare in which I am bound and gagged and prevented from protecting my beloved child from his/her abusive father by the family court system whose job it is to ensure his/her "best interests."

If you doubt Ms. Theill's story, I ask that you please consider the American Bar Association Commission on Domestic Violence's informational handout "10 Myths About Custody and Domestic Violence and How to Counter Them (2006)" available at http://www.abanet.org/domviol/custody_myths.pdf. To quote only two: "MYTH 5: ABUSIVE FATHERS DON'T GET CUSTODY. 'Abusive parents are more likely to seek sole custody than nonviolent ones...' American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family: Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family. '...and they are successful about 70% of the time.' American Judges Foundation, Domestic Violence and the Courthouse: Understanding the Problem, Knowing the Victim." "MYTH 6: FIT MOTHERS DON'T LOSE CUSTODY. 'Mothers who are victims of domestic violence are often depressed and suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, and as a result, can present poorly in court and to best-interest attorneys and/or custody evaluators.' J. M. Golding, Intimate Partner Violence as a Risk Factor for Mental Disorders: A Meta-Analysis, 14 Journal of Family Violence 99-132."

Please continue to speak up. Even though some people say vile things, don't give up, they obviously have not been in similar situations and ignorance makes them speak against you. Many that have been in the midst of this same struggle are grateful to have you speaking out. It is a sad for our country that justice can't be found.

Please keep up the good work Coral. I don't know if either of us will ever see any justice in Polk County Oregon but your continued fighting is an inspiration.

I have been reading parts of Coral's book today. I believe it will help people. I think it also might open the eyes of the people that don't realize what goes on within the legal system. I didn't find anything to suggest that Coral is grandstanding or that she is playing the poor me routine. Maybe it is because the people stating this have never been in an abusive situation. Lucky for you. Abusers are very good at manipulation not only of their victims but all those around them. The legal system then victimizes you again when they turn a deaf ear or by non action. I begged the legal system in Polk County for help repeatedly. It is no fun living in fear. Coral has a right to have her ex husband go to trial for the crimes he committed against her. According to Oregon and the U.S. Constitution the law is meant to protect us. If the people that are put in charge of that by our tax dollars will not protect us and help us when we ask - what use are they. It appears that the DA's involved protected her ex from the law. That is what my experience was also - the criminal was protected from any prosecution. Is that the kind of legal system we want is one that protects criminals and victimizes the victim more? That is what is happening.

"Are you really sure Oregon is part of the U.S.? I don't really think they are and should put warnings on the signs entering the state - Beware come on vacation leave on probation - Or come to Oregon and we will steal your children and give them to criminals." I must say that Coral is definetly a strong woman and I for one pray that she somehow ends up with her children. Oregon has some serious problems within the legal system. Coral is just one of many that is in this same situation. Another woman is in a very similar situation. Her children were given to her ex although he had several drug dealing charges, assault, and much worse. He has custody of all the kids and she can't even see her children. She did not have a criminal history. Another man in Polk County beat his child up and was dealing drugs, he kept his child in a house that was filthy and falling apart. Child Protective Services let him keep his child (DA Fisher dropped all the charges for him beating up the child) - Hmhh another criminal that keeps his children, is there a pattern here. Yet another family has someone put in a false accusation against them that isn't found to be true and they fight to get their child back of course they weren't criminals. Children services are not the only problem in Polk County. DA Fisher is a huge problem too. It is well known about Polk County all over Oregon and the deception that goes on here by people of power. Then you have the Governor that turns a blind eye and deaf ear to his people begging him to help. Does an Attorney General really exist or is that just a name on the door because he doesn't answer the cries of the people that elected him either. How sad that such a beautiful place can be so terribly run. You know we pay to be treated like this in taxes that pay the salaries of these individuals that are abusing their power and destroying peoples lives. Of course Oregon does have immunity so they can get away with it and there is no recourse against them. One saving grace is I read in the paper last week that there are people running against Fisher finally! Hallelujah!!!!! Now what about the rest of them? They always run uncontested so of course nothing ever changes. These people aren't in office because they are wanted, no one else runs against them.

Coral is an inspiration! I am so proud to call her my friend. Since I have know her, she has only been kind and comforting to the people around her. Her volunteer work with the USO speaks volumes of her character. I hope someday, she will be victorious over this injustice that was brought upon her.

I don't mean to disrespect, but there are always two sides of every story and so far we have only heard ONE. It would certainly easier to believe her story if it wasn't for the fact that every person that does not agree with her is in fact conspiring to damage and abuse her. Never cry wolf... FS Bsoton

Coral you have spoken for those of us that continue trying to get our words heard and trying to find those that can help us. The greatest pain is not what has been done to ourselves, rather it is what is done to our children. Abusers know this, that is why they suddenly take interest in the children once we are gone. The fact that the courts all over this country allows and continues this abuse is frightening. I too have seen it first hand. I too cry for my child and desperately try to find someone that can help me in the state where I'm from. I would love to meet you some time, perhaps many of us can band together and be heard once and for all. Women are people. We are not possessions. We do not live in a 3rd world country - so why are women treated like we do? I do hope for all of us who have had our children taken from us and placed with an abuser that the laws will change. SOON

To Vic's above comments: She is NOT grandstanding nor is she using her case to expose herself more, but exposing the problems that many women are going through that Society is turning a blind eye towards. She is not bruised, beaten or disheveled on the outside anymore, she has in fact won against that abuse, and is "shining" in that fact. But, if we were able to look inside at the hurt and pain, and put a picture to that in itself, there you will see the hidden bruises and turmoil that she is continuing to live through, and Survive. It isn't surprising that when a woman comes out and shares her story, that she is put down and it is stated that she is doing it for herself, that she wants the limelight, I'm sure she'd rather have her children back and not have to go through this. Would you rather see pictures of her on the cover battered and bruised? I'm sure she is still in possession of pictures of that caliber. Would you rather see a picture of herself on the cover while living on the street? Or would you state that she was just trying to use Society's pity? Damn if she does, damn if she doesn't, but to Survivors, she is showing that she is Surviving, overcoming the abuse and the situation, and "Shining". Sadly, the focus has been taken from her children, from the atrocity of what has happened to her and her children, and the fact that another abuser is using and manipulating the court system to gain and keep custody of the children. Again, society MUST see the woman as part of the problem, mostly if she refuses to stay the perpetual victim. Once again, Society is blinded by the cover, and has yet to take in the meaning of the pages within. Vic, open your mind to what is going on here, which is much further then a cover can ever expose. You state you are still learning, but it seems that you are willing to forgo that and continue with Society's perceptions and make your own ruling before reading the pages. Before you speak, look at the situation, look within yourself..... Coral, keep shining bright! You have a strength that many do not posses, and in sharing your story, you have in fact shared the story of many. Know that you are supported, and that you have many Sisters standing not only behind you, but beside you...... I talk to many NCM's that have had their children taken by abusers via UAADV.org. To hear the pain that they go through on a daily basis, to hear how they just cannot survive without fighting for their children and fight hard to get anyone to listen, I applaud Coral for what she has done, not just for herself and her children, but for those that are not in a position yet to speak out. For them, Coral is one of their Voices, and that in itself sends a strong message. THommel@uaadv.org

Vic- Shine ‘bright’ - ;-) ************** I have this on Google alert now. I look forward to many more ‘follow’ up articles to this Tim, Coral, all commenter's here and many more to come. WTG-Salem Oregon ~! Simple ‘humanity’- In unity…. -Now THAT is a power greater than all.- Much love to all, Claudine Dombrowski –KS Kansas Mothers For Custodial Justice www.StopFamilyViolence.org www.AngelFury.org http://kmfcj.blogspot.com/ ******************** "Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path; and leave a trail..[emerson]….."

Claudine..if you are referring to me as the one who "controlled" the dialogue...I have to say, was it not a good thing? I do not feel like I contrilled the dialogue..in fact, no one agreed with my initial perception. And I am humbled and am realizing that I am not the possessor of all wisdom (yet). I think that dialogue on subjects such as this..that often get swept under the carpet, is good. I am happy to have been the devil's advocate if it makes people (and myself) think.

Do you all NOT see what you as a community just did, again- you allowed one- to Control the exactly intended and predicted reaction. -“The most violent element in society is ignorance.”- --Ellen Goldman Daily we are terrified, Daily we wonder if this will be our last day.. Survival to just’ inhale’ one more time… and exhale, is almost more than one could imagine.. There are many who have NOT survived, and it is not slowing down. It is pandemic through the nation. Bravo Corel and that is ‘shining’ through the dark… We live it, as there is simply no other way. No, I do not look like a victim either,[as long as I am not bleeding, broken and bruised from battering.] ‘ so sayeth a Lobbyist comments recently here in the land of OZ.. No, my daughter who ‘continues’ to be held hostage will be 13 in a week she does not look like she is raped daily either. But many die shining.. And those who do not are dead within.. as there is no light. We are breaking more than silence we are changing literally the world. Generations of ‘learned’ and encouraged as ‘societal- accepted’ norms- Victim to advocate, and intensely focused. Hi Tim and Coral,, how are you doing?? Will either of you be at the BMCC-V in January- yup it is that time again. Hope to see you there. Btw…it is: www.StopFamilyViolence.org [you put .com] Much love to you all; will see you all soon- hopefully in more articles.. ehh Tim ? ‘hint -hint’ Keep up the great work, both of you and all others!! ;-) Claudine Dombrowski –KS www.StopFamilyViolence.org www.AngelFury.org Kansas Mothers For Custodial Justice http://kmfcj.blogspot.com/

Vic, you are right. Your response was way off. It is clear that you don't know Coral and that you are unfamiliar with this case. If you read Coral's articles and book you would know that she has suffered years of abuse at the hands of her ex-husband. But perhaps your most inappropriate comment was to call this "grand standing." What Coral has written in her book and her most recent articles are, to the best of my knowledge, TRUE! And if these allegations she makes are true, then how is that grand standing? Here is a lady who has been abused and raped and denied the right to see her children, and your concern seems to be what she's wearing and how she looks. Yes, your comments were way off. I'm willing to bet that not only have you never met Coral, but you probably did not read her articles, including the one that you commented on, and will likely never read her book, Bonshea. I urge you to read Corals articles; read her book. Then I think you will have a completely different take on this situation. Vic, a great injustice has taken place here and what Coral is doing is what I would hope your daughters would do in the same situation: Seek help from the media, the governor, the people. That's not grand standing, that's seeking justice.

The point that I think needs to be addressed here above all else, is the fact that abuse and oppression will not stop until the "power" group of men start to each other accountable for their actions and beliefs about women. For the men reading this.. Take a count of how many times in one day (or one hour) that you make judgements on other people. How many of those were about women? If you have a female partner, what expectation do you place on her in regards to your happiness? The reason domestic violence keeps growing is because men get with other men and build support systems for being abusive. Its up to each of us men to stop enabling each other to be abusive. Its time to take action and stop robbing ourselves of having true loving relationships with those we claim to care about..

I understand how you may question her attitude now. IMHO,, think once you understand the road they have traveled then can explain their extreme energy in ensuring they are no longer a victim ever again.

Guess it can be explain in the form of PTSD and overcompensating that they are FREE Now" and No longer being told how worthless they are by the abuser and the abuser's friends and family.

My own mother endured a great deal of abuse at very young age by her brother and her mothers various boyfriends, thus she married abusive men as well. After she was free of the abusive relationship she was one the most men hating feminists that loved to debate the issue with anyone who would listen. She was and still is very vocal of her opinion no matter what the subject matter.

Maybe in Coral's situation she is stating she can now be proud of who she is. She no longer has to cower down and hide who she is. Possibly it’s a healing process to make up for the many lost years and the many ugly memories of how she was treated. It takes a lot of courage and guts to keep going. Many give in to depression, alcohol and drug abuse or even suicide. In a sense its to counter act what they abuser tried to get her to believe about herself. She wants to live as a winner now not a loser. JMO.

OK...I have to believe that by the response, I must have been way off on this. I still do not understand why someone who is writing a book about domestic abuse and rape makes the cover look like a sleazy romance novel...I am not a chauvinist nor do I have any hostility towards women that I am aware of. I know the subject is serious...I still think the Glamorshots are in poor taste. It to me, makes the idea behind her book somewhat watered down. Like if I were to write a book about the evils of drugs with my pic on the cover with a joint in my mouth. Maybe that is revealing my sexist mindset...I will be considering that. I appreciate everyones comments .... still learning here.

Coral Theil is a courageous woman that chose to "rise from the ashes" rather than pity herself. She has set benchmarks for others who have been abused and is an inspiration. Poor Vic, it appears that he never got past LOOKING at Ms. Theil.

I know Coral. I met her a couple of years ago when she was trying to sell candles to make money. And in regard to Vic’s comments and readers’ responses, I can say that they have all hit the nail on the head: Her looks are, in her case, her biggest problem. In person she is naturally quite stunning and healthy-looking, so yes, it is very hard to see her as a victim. As one reader implied, she doesn’t fit everyone’s image of an abuse victim, doesn’t appear to be cringing, begging, and poor. Yet she did many years of cringing and begging, from her childhood on through when Mr. Warner took “ownership” of her. (Most abusers are very clever about picking their victims. They hunt out the neglected.) So now that she has escaped from that life and wants to hold her head up, some would want to blame her for no longer acting or looking like a victim. Amazingly, she still has hope for a better life. Yet she was beaten, neglected, almost lost her life, did lose her kids, sustained damage that prevents her from working full time, and lives on very little income to this day. She has been blessed with a great deal of intelligence, natural beauty, and height, yet her seeming hale and hearty appearance is a curse in her situation because it keeps some people from wanting to help her. That and the fact that she doesn’t cringe anymore or try to downplay her looks. Yet she is still a victim because she still cannot see her children and is still being harassed legally by Mr. Warner with no money for a lawyer to fight him. But no, she doesn’t look like a victim. I can tell you for a fact that she has frequently run out of food money and that she buys her clothes at Goodwill. (Yes, I know she doesn’t look like it. Would that we all could manage that.) Yet, I’ve felt compelled to take food to her many times because I knew she was running out of it or already was out. Then she would try to “pay back” by baking something for me. By the way she never asked for anything. Once I lent her my car and left money in it with a note for her to keep it. I knew she only had $5 to her name, but she wouldn’t take the money. Please, Mr. Governor, help this woman out! You are her last chance for help. Please do something to put an end to this terrible injustice.

Trauma is a funny thing. People don't like to hear about it because they come face to face with man's capacity for evil and the lack of safety in the world.

I think people get the idea that Coral is too focused on her story because she is driven by it.

What people fail to understand is Coral's inability to re frame her experiences in a way that allows her to not focus on what happened to her and to begin some healing is born out of the incomprehensible nature of what happened to her--and if it could happen to her, it could happen to anyone--and people don't like feeling vulnerable.

How do you make sense out of losing 8 children? How do you make sense out of a childhood of constant emotional, physical and sexual abuse. She never had the chance to have a solid foundation of love, security, trust and safety in her life.

There is no security, comfort, relief, reframing, making meaning--all those things that need to happen to recover from trauma.

The need to tell people to "get over it" is born out of our own need to escape the reality of the evil that actually exists in this world. Most trauma writers talk about "blame the victim" mentality and we do that well in this culture.

In response to Vic who did not like Coral’s pictures and made sweeping assumptions about her based on them:

What does a trauma survivor look like? The truth of the matter is, sometimes they are hookers, sometimes they are addicts, sometimes they are morbidly obese, sometimes they are anorexic, sometimes they are talk show hosts, sometimes they are therapists, sometimes they are advocates who write books!!!!!!

Trauma means “wound”. Though some trauma victims are still wounded and bleeding, many are survivors though still badly scared.

Kind of makes me want to ask “What does a male chauvinist look like?”

---Christine Pahl, MC, LPC

Perhaps Vic is not as ignorant as he appears... perhaps he is really Marty trying to solicit others to join his camp in the intellectual wilderness?

VIC, your feelings are understandable. At first glance, Coral does not seem like a typical abuse victim. Perhaps she is not. I give you the benefit of a doubt to assume that you are not sexist, but merely trying to make sense of this picture for your self. I'm sure your mental image of an abused woman is one of cringing and begging, which is clearly not where Coral is. The obvious question is, why doesn't Coral fit this motif? The obvious answer is that cringing and begging is unhealthy, and having pride in one's self is empowering. The other angle of this is that people fear and criticize when they have problems with themselves. I'm not trying to bring you down Vic, but try to be happier with your self.

Wondering Vic if this shoe were on your foot, would you not be making noise and waves or would you consider that glorifying your "victim" status? Wondering too if the holocaust survivors "enjoyed" that same status? As a survivor of domestic abuse, I see your attitude as a condoning one if you even think ANY victim "enjoys" being that.

Thank you Salem-News for your support and readers for taking the time to review my story. This is one of my favorite quotes. "OUR DEEPEST FEAR: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our darkness that most frightens us. "We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. "We were born to manifest the Glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Nelson Mandela, 1994 Inaugural Speech For those who may be interested, you can read "The First Chapter" of BONSHEA at www.bonshea.com which will give you more details to further understand this article. My story at Salem-News will hopefully help raise awareness regarding many issues, i.e., judicial injustice, domestic violence, marital rape, child abuse, legal stalking, ritual and spiritual abuse, societal violence, etc. Life is a journey of becoming "aware, awake and conscious," and a classroom of learning unconditional love for ourselves, our Creator and our fellow man. Walk in Beauty, Coral Anika Theill www.bonshea.com "Thou shalt not be a victim. Thou shalt not be a perpetrator. Above all, thou shalt not be a bystander." ---Holocaust Museum

OMG!! how funny,,and the stero type lives on to evaluate a woman on how she looks.. so Vic condems her looking too good! It makes laugh, females are dammed if they do dammed if they dont. Ever think that by telling her story is helping herself heal, helping others, giving them a Voice!! and exposing a big flipping mess in Polk county that needs to be fixed!!?? just a thought.

Wow, that guy Vic has a seriously twisted sense of reality doesn't he? Ever heard of this thing called "chivalry" there old boy? You are probably another abuser, you would almost have to have a beef with women in general to even think those thoughts.

OMG Vic, I have a hard time reading that, this lady is been through more than most people could ever imagine. She had all of her kids taken away, lives nearly homeless, part of the problem is that she doesn't look like crap, I'm surprised that you would make a statement against this woman who has been mowed over by a right wing religious case.

??? you dont get it at all. Her point is the 'woman is not right'. The stero type she is explianing with the EVIDENCE is woman are seen as not knowing what is best for them,, to listen to the man. And with that he was able to mentally brainwash her, and others as well, control the situation and all aspects of her life. The article lists IN "Great Detail" how he got away with it. So where in this did any one think The woman is always right? and the man is the bad guy.. ? if that was the case she wouldnt have a story to write.

I dont know about this...seems to me that Ms Theil is certainly enjoying her victim status..look at all her carefully posed pics...is she grandstanding or what? And why in the name of God would a woman who claims to be so screwed up spit out EIGHT kids??? I think this is a scam and an attempt at celebrity status. If I were in a serious battle to get custody of my kids, I wouldnt be sending out Glamourshot photos of myself. I think she is still screwed up and has some fantastic ego problems. It seems to be all about HER...poor Coral. I certainly do not condone domestic abuse, but I am not buying this dog and pony show. I know the "woman is always right---the man is always the bad guy" people are going to howl, but oh well.....

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