Domestic Abuse Perpetuated by the Abuse of Police Power

It is time we demand that “Protect and Serve” is not just a saying painted on a vehicle.

theherald.com.au

(SALEM) - As some of you may know, and some may not, I am a survivor of Domestic Abuse. I use the term “Domestic Abuse” because it was not only violence that was unacceptable in the relationship. I believe that in all violent relationships there is an underlying pattern of abuse which involves psychological, emotional, physical and often sexual abuse. For victims this abuse it is like living in an environment of torture.

Tim King and Salem-News have been publishing a lot of stories recently about the abuse of power by the police and court systems. I would like to tell of my experience with the Salem Police. When looking back this experience is no less of abuse to me than what I was experiencing in my domestic relationship.

My children's father and I had planned a date night in 2007. We only had our one daughter at the time and it was the first time we had a babysitter for the night since she was born. We went out with his brother to a local bar.

While we were out at the bar we bumped into a couple of his female friends. Not wanting to seem jealous and knowing that expressing my feelings of insecurities would surely end our night with a violent and explosive rage, I was tolerant when one of the females was invited back to our house.

We all four arrived at the house with some beer and continued our evening. As time went on I could tell that there was something going on between my boyfriend and this other woman. I was starting to feel completely worthless and unloved. I told myself, as I had been told by him many times, that I was just being over sensitive and jealous. That I was crazy and if I didn't act so jealous he wouldn't become violent with me.

As the night went on we ran out of beer. He gave his brother and I some money and asked us to walk the two blocks to the store to pick up another box of beer.

Now, I had been drinking and was slightly intoxicated but I was able to purchase the beer and walk home with no problem. When we got there we arrived to find no one in the living room. I set down the beer and entered my bedroom to see the two of them jump apart, red faced and obviously flustered. I could not keep quiet any longer.

I made it very clear to this woman that she better get out of my house and get out now! She immediately gathered her things and hurried out the door. My boyfriend started screaming at me. Horrible things; if I would only dress more provocatively, if I would only not be such a nag, if I would only make more time for him, if we didn't fight so much, if I weren't so CRAZY! It was all my fault.

At this point I did something I will regret for the rest of my life but, being intoxicated as I was, I thought it would get my point across. I thought that if all of my crying and pleading and heartbreak did not get through to him maybe a visual image would. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a butcher knife.

When I returned to our bedroom he was sitting on the edge of the bed. I knelt down in front of him, presented my wrist and put the knife up to it. I said to him, “when I walk in and see that THIS is how it makes me feel!”. I had no intention of actually harming myself.

At that point he used his right hand to grab my left forearm, wrapped his left hand around my hand on the knife, looked me dead in the eye and said, “if that is how you feel I will just do it for you.” With that he swiftly drew the knife across my wrist, slicing it clear open.

I screamed. “WHAT DID YOU DO?! NO! WHAT DID YOU DO?!” He was calm as could be. He used both hands to squeeze my arm acting as a tourniquet and called to his brother, “Call 911. Amanda cut herself”. I was numb. I could not believe what was happening. I think I went into shock. Not long after Salem Police arrived.

When the police arrived I was sitting on the living room floor, my boyfriend on the chair still holding my arm. His brother was sitting on the couch, both calm as could be. The police walked into my home. I believe two officers came in first. One went into my kitchen and one went into the bedroom.

They began searching my cupboards and I could hear drawers opening and closing in my room. At that point an officer began asking me questions about how this had happened but none of them stopped to look at my wound. Of course, since my abuser was sitting right there, I lied. I told them I was drunk and playing with the knife. I told them I had been waving it around and 'somehow' cut myself. Yeah right!

I was confused and terrified. Why were they not concerned? Why were they searching my home instead of giving me medical attention? I started to get upset.

I said to them, “you were called here to give me medical attention. Why are you searching my cupboards? You do not have permission to search my home. If you cannot give me reason why you are searching and you are not going to give me medical attention then you need to leave and let the EMT's do their job”.

None of them seemed to recognize I had even spoken. I began feeling nauseous. I looked at the officer who had been questioning me and said to him, “I am feeling nauseous. Could you please get me a pot or something from my kitchen?”

He chuckled a little and said, “I bet you are, here puke in this”. He then kicked an empty beer box in my direction. When the EMT's arrived I asked if my boyfriend or his brother could accompany me in the ambulance. The police answered no, that they would have to stay while the police continued searching and finishing up with the questioning.

On the ride to the hospital the EMT's were very casual. They had wrapped my wound with gauze but no one explained to me how badly I was injured or what was going to happen. They even complained about how slow and boring it had been at work for them that evening. I thought slow would be a good night for an EMT.

Scar on Amanda's arm

When I arrived at the hospital I was put into a tiny room and left to sit there. I was cold, alone, and terrified. I assume that they left me there because I was intoxicated and they wanted me to sober up a bit before they began any treatment however, no one stopped to explain this to me or reassure me that I was going to be OK. After at least an hour, it seemed like much longer, a doctor came in to stitch up my arm. He did not explain much to me and I did not say anything. I was so shocked and horrified at the entire situation that at that point, I just wanted to get home.

Before I was released from the hospital I had to speak to a psychological professional. He asked the basic questions when it came to my intent for self harm and I gave generic answers. No I had not intended to hurt myself. Yes it was a drunken accident. No I did not have any intent to hurt myself when I was released, etc. I was released shortly after into the care of my abuser and returned home, back into my hell.

The point of this story is that I wanted to tell the truth. I wanted to scream out “HE DID THIS”. I wanted him to be locked up far away from me where he could never hurt me again, but I said nothing. I said nothing because I did not feel I was in a safe environment to do so.

I said nothing because I felt that I was being treated as a criminal and not a victim. I said nothing because I didn't think anyone would care or listen. I stayed for four more years and nearly lost my life on several occasions before I was able to break the chains of Domestic Abuse.

No one was ever arrested in regard to this incident and I never received and explanation as to why the police had been searching my home. I believe completely that if the officers had responded in a more compassionate way I would have told the truth that night.

I feel that they abused their power as police and they abused my rights as a person. Even if it had been a drunken accident there is no excuse for treating a person that way. Even if it had been a situation of self-harm there is no excuse to treat a person that way. It is time that we stand up for our rights and for justice in the 'justice system'. It is time we demand that “Protect and Serve” is not just a saying painted on a vehicle.