Cartoon Strip: Nota Bene by Leonardo No. 28 - Diet Wars (Part 2 of 3)

This is the twenty-eighth installment of the Salem-News.com original series "Nota Bene by Leonardo" by Salem cartoonist Glen Bledsoe.

(SALEM) - Prepare yourself for Earth OSX where the difference between skinny and fat is the difference between love and war. Thin is in. Fat is flat. The watchword is calories. Cellulite City is Hell. And remember: only in the Europe of Earth-Prime (our lovely blue planet) do middle-aged, hairy men wear speedos. I am an American!

Better than any tabloid, Nota Bene takes you where no other rag can. All the stars. All the parallel earths. All the latest gossip about all the Very Important People of the Multiverse--the best (and worst) dressed couples, diet tips, who's spending the night with whom, who's breaking up with whom and of course the perennial favorite: holiday recipes.

Listen to what readers from around the multiverse are saying about Nota Bene by Leonardo:

"Nota Bene by Leonardo is the Cliff's Notes for Alternate Earths. I give it six out of five stars." -- Benson Tittle, inventor of the cash register, Earth 221B.

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Stagehand's vision; February 13, 2007 8:53 am (Pacific time)

Leo, I had an amazing "vision" and thougt I'd better tell you. You may have seen "the rockey horror picture show", keep it in mind as it is signifigant in it's format, and you must have read the latest "dispatches" from Afghanistan?, well what I was thinking was like an invasion, a massive "doglift" if you will.,of reactionary bush-biters trained in Pakistan but infiltrated to the Afghani Ryanair transit lounge in Kandahar in pallet loads of stage gear, and then finally hooking up with Olama B. Satan, who turns them loose on Operas stage while butt..,I mean G.W Bust.,I mean George Bush corpulantly flexes in his speedo's! They(the "Pakastani bush-biters) could all have turbins and bandoleers of machine gun ammo for effect! can you see the look on Jr's face as the dogs come snarling out of the Speedo costume trunk? Am I giving too much away?

Leonardo February 11, 2007 11:12 am (Pacific time)

Thank you for the kind words. I take a virtual bow.

anon. February 11, 2007 5:14 am (Pacific time)

Leonardo., can you do something with this? Today's world news,(from the other planet, where nothing is as it appears?).,you know the one, the Secretary of Defense of a huge continental eco-terroer-consumptive society has said "the scandal of prisoner abuse in military facilities has hurt our image worldwide!",(he didn't mention for many generations to come, the rubberfaced anai!) This is only four years after the rest of the known universe made the same conclusion. Number two in this planets news., talked of a technological breakthrough enabling manufacturers to transform, (I'm not making this up!)., manure.,(Man-oo-wer) yes.,this singular substance, into building material suitable for wallboard., siding., flooring, and furniture! I didn't know who else would believe me so I wanted you to hear it here first.

JAFO; February 10, 2007 6:06 pm (Pacific time)

I've counted 143 "comments" since this thought provoking., controversial.,entertaining., un-orthodox,(a Greek word for..,eliptical orbit?).,socially depricating but positive at the same time.,series began.,and you maintained that yankee ingenuity and intuitive originality with caustic observations., I'd say yours is a hit Mr. Leonardo!, and every one of these "comments" is reality is a "compliment",(in spite of some of the more obviously immature, of course,) so I think., (occasionally I really do!),you ought to take a bow Mr.Leonardo, and if you and "Q-Madp" ever team up.,Rolling Stone Magazine better be ready!

wahoo! news; February 10, 2007 4:28 pm (Pacific time)

Flash!, NASA escape pod, with "ring of terror gang" spotted and subdued in Bahamas!. This reporter has just learned that the recently formed law firm of Bush.,Stern.,Birkhead and von Anhalt,(all involved in ongoing paternity suit) were seen to have entered the Bahama Dept. of Customs and Taxes holdin' center in a secret location at 748 West Marley st., Kinsgston.,and were filmed as they forcibly attacked one another over the custody of Anna Nicoles daughter., and who would sign the tax write off first. It is said the customs Matron in charge kicked all of them where there brains are, bundled said child and hustled her out the back door., and the "ring of terror" returned (crawling carefully)to their commandeered space pod,(USS Vengeance), piloted by Capt. Lisa Nowac, USN., She, upon filing her nails, was heard to laugh and comment.,"looks like the four horseman have fallen off their shetland's"., and was last seen heading outworld, toward the Hubble telescope, her passengers slung beneath the pod in a cargo net. More later.

wahoo news! February 8, 2007 1:39 am (Pacific time)

Come and get me pissants! I've yet begun to fight! Are DEA satellite agents allowed to read and write? Ever hear of "freedom of the press"? You neandrolithic scum!

D.E.A. satellite monitor February 8, 2007 1:30 am (Pacific time)

wahoo! news; you are under arrest! Report to the nearest particle disintigrater with all records and hard drives!! We are looking forward to this, and you won't be sayin', wahoo!

wahoo! news!; February 7, 2007 5:14 pm (Pacific time)

Flash!., this reporter has just this moment been informed from another world order that the measured distance between George Bushies eyes identical to Hugo Chavez!(metrically speaking, very close together!) Britney scanned and in possesion of genetically modified twins!!, and nobdoy's talkin'!!, Bush to impose "gag me" order when Mrs. Miers returns to Crawford!.,and Jenkin's working for the "other side?".,furthermore, Rove-Libby to be "uthanized" to protect national security!., probably,depending on "gag me" order, more later.,wahoo! news out.

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