Sunday May 31, 2020
SNc Channels:



Apr-01-2009 07:25printcomments

Oregon Grocer Goes Green, Leaves Doctors Puzzled

Green through and through?

Gwen Goss of the Green Grocer in Oregon City
Gwen Goss of the Green Grocer in Oregon City.

(OREGON CITY) - Can the green hues of environmentalism rub off... literally? That may be the case with one Oregon Grocer. Doctors can't seem to explain the change in Gwen Goss's complexion, other than to say that she has absorbed the tones of her environment, so to speak.

Her mom Gail explains that from an early age, Gwen had a touch for anything that grew from the earth and a natural ability to create fantastic meals. While Gwen didn't show signs of facial "tonechangia" until more recent time, Gail said, "she always had a very green aura."

A team of physicians in Portland had scheduled an appointment to review Gwen's unique case, but they failed to keep the engagement and instead headed for a local golf course.

Following her intuitive spirit, Gwen actually found the doctors on the seventh hole. Interestingly, they later reported that they were surprised when Gwen suddenly overtook their group. Apparently she blended in so completely with the lush green grass, that they never saw her coming.

Finally cornered, the physicians told Gwen that she needed to buy at least two SUV's and begin shopping at Wal Mart on a regular basis if she had any interest in shaking her condition.

When she told them she simply didn't have the spirit or endurance to comply with their suggestions, they told her that her life would always be green and they warned that people who knew her and shopped at her store, the Green Grocer in Oregon City which is so aptly named, would also tend to become greener.

OK, this is admittedly another April Fools' report, but there is plenty of truth in it. Gwen actually has a nice complexion and she isn't green, at least in appearance, but she has an extremely progressive store in Oregon City that keeps lots and lots of customers in the best form.

Gwen is celebrating her birthday today, and her mom has been telling me about her fantastic grocery store. The April Fool's connection seemed irresistible.

Gwen says the Green Grocer currently has Organic Raw Sunflower Seeds and Organic Raw Almonds in bulk.

They have two new flavors of Larabar: Cashew Cookie and Pecan Pie. Larabars are famous for their simple ingredients. For instance, the Cashew Cookie's only ingredients are Cashews and Dates!

These are just a couple examples of what you can find at the Green Grocer, drop in to see their complete inventory. It's a great way to buy good food, live longer and be healthier. Then you, too, will have what it takes to create your own lean and green "tint".

Learn more at:

Visit this page for directions:

Comments Leave a comment on this story.

All comments and messages are approved by people and self promotional links or unacceptable comments are denied.

Elguapo April 1, 2009 8:58 pm (Pacific time)

This took me a bit to realize it was April 1st Thought maybe she was seeing the Jolly Green Giant on the side

gail April 1, 2009 3:29 pm (Pacific time)

Thanks to Tim for writing the joke story, after 41 years of AF Day jokes it is getting harder and harder for a mom to come up with a new one. Happy Birthday to Gwen, no joke.

JR April 1, 2009 11:16 am (Pacific time)

April Fools, right?

[Return to Top]
©2020 All opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of

Articles for March 31, 2009 | Articles for April 1, 2009 | Articles for April 2, 2009
Tribute to Palestine and to the incredible courage, determination and struggle of the Palestinian People. ~Dom Martin

The NAACP of the Willamette Valley

Special Section: Truth telling news about marijuana related issues and events.


Donate to and help us keep the news flowing! Thank you.