The Ongoing Abuse of Our Court System

How on earth does a man that I have a restraining order on, and who has not spoken to his children in months just because he did not want to pay to exchange them, pull this off?

(SALEM, Ore.) - This is an update to a story I recently wrote regarding my struggle with domestic violence. I will give a detailed background. In my previous story, I stated that a judge had awarded my children's father parenting time with them^[1].

Our agreement was that he would get them every weekend. All he needed to do was to pay Family Building Blocks (an organization designed for supervision and safe pick up and drop off for parenting times) to oversee the exchange.

I was contacted by Family Building Blocks in late March explaining that he would like to do the exchanges there but he wanted me to pay half of the cost. I refused to pay to drop my children off with my abuser. I have not heard from them since, and therefore he had not seen his children.

Now, I have moved in order to keep myself and my children safe from my ex’s explosive violent behavior. I did not tell anyone I had moved or where I had moved to. Last week my neighbor alerted me that a man was at my house while I was away who matched the description of my ex, and he had taken my wind chime.

An officer came out and showed my neighbor a photo line up to see if he could positively identify the person who was at my house. Since the photo of my ex was rather old, and he changes his appearance often, my neighbor could not make a firm identification.

Two days later I had a knock at my door. It was a Marion County deputy sheriff. I was served with court documents. I sat down on my couch and began to read through the documents. As I turned to the second page there was another knock at my door. It was my ex’s friend/driver.

I asked what she was doing here and she replied she was here to pick up the children. I said, "No, you are not, you are trespassing and I am calling the police." I called 911. Shortly after, an officer arrived and took my paperwork from me, assuring me he would figure out what was going on.

He went across the street, where I was surprised to see my ex standing, and he read through the documents. I could see him and another officer on the phone. I had no idea what was going on! My children were confused, and all I could tell them was that the police were here to help Mummy figure out what was going on.

After about an hour of reading paperwork, talking on the phone and speaking with my ex, the deputy came back and asked if we could speak privately in my room. I obliged, trying to fight the tears.

He explained to me that my ex had filed that my children were in “Immediate Danger” with me and that they would have to go with him. He was accusing me of sexually abusing my daughter, physically abusing her, being mentally unstable, suicidal and addicted to drugs and alcohol.

I have no idea why a judge would sign this order without anyone ever coming to my house to check on the condition of my children or my household. He has not even spoken to his children in over two months! How would he know if they were in “Immediate Danger”?

So, I had to pack up my children’s most important belongings and send them off with the officers, over to their father. He was not even prepared with car seats. I had to send him with my car seats just so my children would be safe in a vehicle!

Now I am in a position where I have to go to court to prove that these allegations are not true and that my children are not in danger with me. I am losing my benefits from DHS, as I no longer have custody of my children. I cannot find a lawyer who will take on this case, nor could I afford one.

How on earth does a man that I have a restraining order on, and who has not spoken to his children in months just because he did not want to pay to exchange them, pull this off?

Why would a judge sign to take someone’s children away based on a letter written by a person obviously a danger to me? I have filed for a hearing and am awaiting the date in the mail. I will keep you updated as to the outcome of this horrible tragedy which in the end is only hurting my children.

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Douglas Benson May 14, 2010 7:58 am (Pacific time)

Thanks guys . I was just pointing out that this thing works both ways ,and more often than not its the man who is getting the shaft . Not only are the judges all powerfull but the so is CSD,CPS and DHS .Even if you have a court order they can say too bad so sad . Basically I am saying that when there are custody disputes both sides mostly the women seem to pull the abuse card. This does a lot of damage to the women [and men ] who have legit issues . I have two friends that may be willing to go on the record but one of them is going to court soon and I dont think the lawyer would give him a green light to say anything at this time . I will speak to both of them though to see if they might be willing . Peace

Anon May 13, 2010 10:02 pm (Pacific time)

Birth control is a wonderful thing!!

Natalie May 13, 2010 5:35 pm (Pacific time)

If I were in Amanda's position and everything's like she said, I would run to my parents or my relatives. From what I read, they're decent people, hopefully, still alive and doing well. Shelters are not the best place to be with small kids. Second, I would bribe the man to give up his parental rights. If he couldn't pay FBB and doesn't care about the kids, that should be easy. That being said, women do know how to punish men painfully. I know a woman that got a restraining order because she didn't like how her husband used to comment on her extra weight. Not that I would like it either, but with 4 little children in the middle... I also personally know a man who is just crawls under the table when his "love" comes home. She hit him with frying pans, pulled his hair, hid his pants and car keys, locked out of the house for the night. Your ears would turn into red rolls from her curses. He's the one with the income, but she controls all the finances and he gets allowances. And after that, she goes around and complains what a bad husband he is. He's actually a big man. I mean REALLY big, almost twice my size. When people ask him why he doesn't call the police and stays in this marriage, he answers that nobody would believe him that he's the victim. As for the wife, well, he stays because she's once a month is merciful to him. Go figure.

Amanda May 13, 2010 3:26 pm (Pacific time)

I have said no lies here. I have not failed to uphold any Judges orders. I do not recieve money for child care. I am not being investigated for abusing my children. I have not recieved ONE call from any police detective, DHS, CPS or otherwise on absuing or neglecting my children. An yes, he should have been locked up but the police took the route of warning him instead! And now all this has happened. I assure you, I am not lying..just telling my story.

anon May 13, 2010 3:14 pm (Pacific time)

What everyone seems to be missing is that there are two little girls who can not see their mother based on UNPROVEN AND UNSUPPORTED information. We should not be living in a society in which you are guilty until proven innocent! Shouldn't these claims have to have been proven before the children were removed??? According to the article no investigation was done or is currently being done. This girl NEEDS a lawyer!!!! Unfortunately, even the legal community is unwilling to step up and help because she doesn't have the money. Very, very, very sad description of our country.

Dexter May 13, 2010 3:10 pm (Pacific time)

Douglas Benson: Yes I do agree with you on that, men do and have been shafted by a lot of woman in cases like this with or with out kids, and even more so when marriage is involved (I actually mentioned this on one of my stories I did for Salem News a while ago). Salem News DO extensive research before they try to publish a story (it's what we call in the media business as "covering are backs"). We also do fair even stories that cover both sides of the fence, or try to at least (which shows that this site is not completely left or right wing, hence the multitude of various writers that Salem news use from all over the world. For most of us we always like to keep are minds open to any story that we hear or see, making us very diverse and flexible when writing about stories about everything and anything. The main reason this story is being pushed hard (and it might seem lop sided to a few out there) is because this subject its big news at the moment . Recently there has been much televised news about domestic violence that has (sadly) ended in murder or attempted murder. Also knowing about the people involved, from the local courts and the judges, to the writer and the other people mentioned in this article, we have a better clear way of understanding what is truly going on at the moment. If it was just some random person that wrote in about the same story and we had no idea who they are, then of course Tim and Bonnie would not be so forth with in pushing ahead with a story like this. It's not easy to do research at the best times. When we have stories as sensitive as this, then research becomes even more intense, which should make the story even more credible.

Erna May 13, 2010 10:55 am (Pacific time)

It is called JUDICIAL ABUSE!The courts have no oversight,so it is possible to become a victim of,"what drools down the lips of any social engineer, decked out in a black robe", who make their own laws - each to his,or her own interpretation of the law.

anon. May 13, 2010 9:10 am (Pacific time)

how can you blam the systum for your wrong doings? it seems to me that you are using the news to twist the truth. and its a sad day when this company allows some one to spread there lies around like its the truth, with out finding out the real truth. i guess its all in the way it works for ratings..

Editor: There are no lies published here; please cite an example of you can. Just because you don't personally benefit from the truth, does not change the truth. Try to be a little more specific, and there is absolutely nothing here taking place over the idea of ratings being advanced.

Douglas Benson May 13, 2010 7:45 am (Pacific time)

I see most of you are in sympathy with the women .What the heck about the men ? This system is weighted to the women every time. I suspect there is something someone is not telling about this case . I dont know how many guys I know that are getting the shaft .
You didnt post my last comment mabey you felt it wasnt what you wanted to convey .
It seems like the women get away with so much in these matters its not even funny .
Fraud, false accusations ,refusing to obey the court orders ect.
These women make it harder for the ones that do have legit complaints . If they would hold them responsible there would be less abuse of the system .
I have been watching my friend go through this stuff and if he did half the garbage his ex is pulling he would be locked up .
She just might be charged soon but its taken a long time fighting a court and DHS that profits from all this .They know she has been commiting fraud collecting monies for day care that has never happened . But they dont want to go after her she has no money for them to take but he does . Then comes the false accusations of molestation but that has her in a world of trouble right now . But this could have gone the other way with him in serious trouble for something he didnt do .
Basically when you say the system is more unfair to women I have to dissagree .
The real victims are the children when the parents use them as a tool for money ,revenge ect.

Editor: Douglas, obviously this is a sensitive subject, and yes I do control the comments like always, but I will say that when I see your name it almost always is published. I need to write a story about the struggles men endure, I am not blind to that, though this is not the venue. I have been on both sides of this fence and I am not trying to be insensitive to you. Just know that I don't see it as a male versus female issue. I actually was stationed at El Toro with a Marine who barely entered the Corps due to his very small size, and his wife was a big female Marine and she used to terrorize him physically and he would come to work with black eyes, etc. Every story is unique and somewhat different from the next. At the same time, that is one of the few relationships I have known where the woman could overpower the man at any point, and this is what women live with every day. So, I am sensitive to the needs of all, and I mean that. Why don't you write your story up? Is that worth talking about?

Amanda May 13, 2010 4:38 am (Pacific time)

God save you all for supporting me! I cannot even sleep over this tyranny! This is, in the most evident form of evil....and you all whome stand by me are putting yourselves in the middle. God bless you and all who support what is right in this world. Somehow evil has overcome our "justice" system and it must be stopped!!! Thank you.... Dear Lord help my children come home...to their mother, creator...who loves them beyond life itself and to whome I am their God :(

Amanda May 13, 2010 1:21 am (Pacific time)

Yes Daniel, but this was a female judge with no evidence!.

DJ: I know nothing about this particular case, but in male dominated systems (look at the business world for any number of examples) and you'll find women who succeed by being more masculine than the men--having been co-opted. Your children, I presume, were born in the USA. I wish you the best in getting through and out of this with your children.

Daniel Johnson May 13, 2010 12:16 am (Pacific time)

Don't forget that the system was originally set up by men and is, today, still largely run and dominated by men.

Amanda Leduc May 12, 2010 11:42 pm (Pacific time)

I hope the system see's their errors...and that not too many children are harmed in the middle!

susan May 12, 2010 9:56 pm (Pacific time)

Hang in there Amanda, with hope and prayers the court system will see the errors of their ways

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