Why Many Value More Than 'Validation'

Stagnation is the weakest "nation" on Earth.

Courtesy: fmhs.auckland.ac.nz

(SALEM) - Many of my online articles tend to question blind "tradition", and this one readily falls into that category. In this case, the somewhat automatic response most folks offer in giving feedback is the challenge confronted.

Why do so many people think that everybody is simply looking for applause? That is a mass misconception.

One cannot speak for all humanity without being accused of arrogance. Yet from my perspective when I ask another to deliver "unvarnished" feedback, my real goal is to learn from pro and con elements. It is part and parcel of a quest for some sort of objectivity--not mere validation. I am seeking to refine my ideas.

1. Experience: I am the sum of my life experiences, which differs greatly from yours.
2. Value System: Since my values come from my family of origin and schooling and the socialization along the way, I am prone to interpret the world in a somewhat different manner.
3. Role of Setbacks: All of us face setbacks which shape our emotional response to new events. That means our degree of risk-taking in new ventures is often predicated on what happened earlier.
4. Reinforcement:  Habits come about usually through reinforcement.  Thus what worked for you may well vary greatly on what worked for me.  That is to say how "reality" is a matter of interpretation.
5. Career Influence: Some jobs seek conformity in thinking while others stress independent minds. That workplace culture can become embedded in one's approach to life generally.
6. Couples Dynamics: The degree of autonomy you permit your mate is often reflected in the outside world; your attitudes toward control and power definitely have ripple effects.

Never assume that asking for your opinion means "Tell me how great I am".  If you are uncertain of the other person's intentions, tell them upfront that you need a balanced viewpoint in order to address your weak points which you are willing to acknowledge. Stress that you are a "work-in-progress" and that you want to engage them as an honest consultant who can help you improve.

Sometimes hearing only commendations can lead to complacency.  Bear in mind this maxim:  Stagnation is the weakest "nation" on Earth.

Those who tread water endlessly will drown!

NOTE: Lee Coyne once taught Sociology at the community college level, and has long been intrigued on the roadblocks to civilized conversation.  He welcomes your ideas at: notcoy@netzero.net.

NOTE: B. Lee Coyne first emerged as a Caucasian cub reporter for the Black weekly NY Voice and was assigned to cover numerous civil rights struggles. It has left its indelible mark on his mindset. He can be contacted at: notcoy@netzero.net.

B. Lee Coyne, a NYC native, blends three careers: Journalist, Counselor, Educator. His writings have appeared in newspapers and magazines on the East and West Coasts and the Southwest. He loves the art of the interview and has covered such persons as Dr. King's 1963 "Dream" speech and Sen. William

Proxmire as an advocate for the environment. A global traveller to some 30 countries aboard, he speaks Spanish semi-fluently and very rudimentary Russian, Tagalog, German, Arabic and Hebrew.

Lee's legacy here in Salem includes launching the Salem Peace Mosaic at the YMCA and doing a radio talk show for KMUZ/88.5 FM. It airs Mondays and highlights lives of proactive, productive senior citizens. He invites you to contact him at: notcoy@netzero.net.