Salem-News.com News Feed for articles tagged with benny_and_sid www.salem-news.com 2013 This marks the last chapter in the graphic novel "The Hummer." I hope you've had as much fun reading it as I've had creating it. As it turns out it's also the 199th comic I've made for Salem-News.com. I started four years ago this coming August. The first one hundred comics were under the title of "Nota Bene" and the premise was that the comics represented events in parallel universes. They were thinly disguised satires of America under the Bush Administration. http://salem-news.com/articles/june092010/hummer-15.php http://salem-news.com/articles/june092010/hummer-15.php Wed, 09 Jun 2010 19:40:00 PDT We all have things we'd rather not talk about. Every adult at one time or another has made a choice that he or she isn't proud of. We push that part of us into a dark hole and pack as much earth over it as we can. It's not exactly a secret, but it's not something we care to dwell on either. Once it gets started it loops in our head until we nearly lose our mind. Normally it's controllable. http://salem-news.com/articles/june022010/hummer-14_gb.php http://salem-news.com/articles/june022010/hummer-14_gb.php Wed, 02 Jun 2010 18:50:00 PDT Try to make somebody happy, and they're never satisfied. Somebody is always looking for the thing you didn't do, and they don't see the things you did do. I mean you don't expect to get a cookie every time you make your bed, but for pity sake don't criticize a guy if he happens to leave his shirt tail untucked. People start pushing too hard and that's when you start looking other places to be and other things to do. http://salem-news.com/articles/may272010/hummer-13_gb.php http://salem-news.com/articles/may272010/hummer-13_gb.php Thu, 27 May 2010 21:39:00 PDT Ever notice people driving around without license plates? Or grumpy old men not wearing seat belts? Or poorly dressed, overweight white trash women parking in the No Parking Zone? How is it that they get to decide which laws they have to obey and which ones they can safely ignore and not get caught? http://salem-news.com/articles/may202010/hummer-12_gb.php http://salem-news.com/articles/may202010/hummer-12_gb.php Thu, 20 May 2010 21:07:00 PDT Shouldn't a man be able to change the oil and tune his car up when it needs it? But does a man spend his mad money on seat covers, steering wheel knobs, and car deodorants to dangle from his rear view mirror? http://salem-news.com/articles/may122010/hummer_gb-11.php http://salem-news.com/articles/may122010/hummer_gb-11.php Wed, 12 May 2010 21:13:00 PDT We are automotive turtles. In our cars we are self-contained. There's hardly a human function that can't be performed in an automobile--in the back seat if not the front. We can eat, sleep, argue, gossip, listen to books, even give birth to our children. http://salem-news.com/articles/may052010/hummer-10.php http://salem-news.com/articles/may052010/hummer-10.php Wed, 05 May 2010 21:17:00 PDT You find a note left by your boss. He wants to see you about something. Your boss doesn't ever talk to you unless he's got a problem. You wanna say, "Now what, you lazy #$@^%#@?" But you need the job. You only half-listen to his beef. Somebody always has something to complain about. http://salem-news.com/articles/april282010/hummer_gb-09.php http://salem-news.com/articles/april282010/hummer_gb-09.php Wed, 28 Apr 2010 22:23:00 PDT Some boys grow up to be bankers or realtors or college professors. Others become construction workers or ranch hands or maybe they just pump gas to earn their keep. Some will never carry their lunch in a paper bag while others will never knot a tie around their necks. What holds the gender together? http://salem-news.com/articles/april212010/hummer_gb-08.php http://salem-news.com/articles/april212010/hummer_gb-08.php Wed, 21 Apr 2010 21:11:00 PDT It's all about attitude. It's all about style. What's in your head and the quality of your heart is for sissies. When you're on the road only one thing matters and that's who's in the lead. http://salem-news.com/articles/april142010/hummer_gb-07.php http://salem-news.com/articles/april142010/hummer_gb-07.php Wed, 14 Apr 2010 19:34:00 PDT The rituals and values of American men are as bizarre as any aboriginal. We practice them, but we turn a blind eye to their irrational qualities. We don't give them a second thought as we perpetuate them to each succeeding generation. http://salem-news.com/articles/april072010/bs-hummer-gb.php http://salem-news.com/articles/april072010/bs-hummer-gb.php Wed, 07 Apr 2010 20:21:00 PDT Some guys drink Pepsi and some Coke. Some guys drink beer and others champagne. But the important question is what do you drive? Do you buy cars from other countries or do you support the auto-centric economic backbone of the good ole U. S. of A? http://salem-news.com/articles/march312010/the-hummer-05.php http://salem-news.com/articles/march312010/the-hummer-05.php Wed, 31 Mar 2010 19:35:00 PDT Ever find your eyes wandering over the pages of the new car advertisements? Does your mind estimate your car's life expectancy whenever you fill the tank and check the odometer? Does the sound and feel of a new car door closing tight and pretty send shivers of auto-lust up your spine? Do not feel shame. http://salem-news.com/articles/march242010/the-hummer-04.php http://salem-news.com/articles/march242010/the-hummer-04.php Wed, 24 Mar 2010 23:56:00 PDT The purpose of an automobile is to get the rider from point A to point b safely and without incident. But that's never been true. Cars have been about style and class and social display since the earliest days of the horseless carriage. Why else would people spend so much of their income on vehicles built more for heavy construction than for carrying a bag of groceries home from the store or conveying the family down to McDonalds to don the evening feed bag? http://salem-news.com/articles/march172010/the-hummer-03.php http://salem-news.com/articles/march172010/the-hummer-03.php Wed, 17 Mar 2010 23:53:00 PDT Buy American! I think we'd all like to do that. We'd all like to be able to do that. But what can you buy that's made in America? What manufacturing industry hasn't been free to move overseas to avoid the cost of labor, the cost of paying workers what it takes to raise a family? These same industries are now puzzled as to why they have no customers. http://salem-news.com/articles/march102010/the-hummer-02.php http://salem-news.com/articles/march102010/the-hummer-02.php Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:41:00 PST Those who once were hawks are now a bunch of lily white doves. Those who were born to show the world how to make a profit talk about things like charities, civil rights and worst of all saving the earth. Nobody needs to save the earth. It ain't natural. God put man on this planet to eat a cheeseburger, pump a little oil and--most of all--to make a buck. So what if he steps on a couple of tulips? What do we think we are? A bunch of gardeners? http://salem-news.com/articles/march032010/the-hummer-01.php http://salem-news.com/articles/march032010/the-hummer-01.php Wed, 03 Mar 2010 19:06:00 PST The players said their lines & moved into final positions. The house lights are down. Amber and rose lights illuminate the stage, but the audience still perceives the scene only in jarring slashes of black and white. Futoko has spoken, but he has also listened. Futoko has taught, but he has also learned. http://salem-news.com/articles/february252010/truant-officer_22.php http://salem-news.com/articles/february252010/truant-officer_22.php Thu, 25 Feb 2010 18:39:00 PST The battlefields are the schools, and the children are the ones who are to be liberated--not liberated from teachers or from the system of education itself, but from the laziness of ignorance, the slothfulness of expecting someone else to teach them what they should be frantic to learn on their own. Students need to be freed from behaving in such a way as to require the force-feeding of education like some comatose car accident victim brain-dead and on life support with lessons pumped into their stomachs six and a half hours per day, five days per week. http://salem-news.com/articles/february172010/truant-officer_21.php http://salem-news.com/articles/february172010/truant-officer_21.php Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:42:00 PST Who is the enemy? Is the enemy the one who questions what you believe? Or is the enemy the one who showers you with false praise while waiting for you to falter so that he may slip a blade between your ribs? Futoko may be many things but he never praises when he perceives a flaw. He never coats his words with a candy shell so those who do not wish to hear the truth have an excuse to swallow their pill of ignorance. http://salem-news.com/articles/february102010/truant-officer_20.php http://salem-news.com/articles/february102010/truant-officer_20.php Wed, 10 Feb 2010 19:07:00 PST I don't blame teachers for their classrooms of non-learning. They do the best they can given the circumstances. If students were hungry to learn the teacher's task would be simple. However with America's entitled attitude teachers must beg students to study, reward them with candy when they haven't caused too much trouble during recess, cajole parents into turning off the tv so that students can spend 15 minutes learning their math facts and practicing their spelling. http://salem-news.com/articles/february032010/truant-officer_19.php http://salem-news.com/articles/february032010/truant-officer_19.php Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:13:00 PST What makes us who we are is often not pretty. It is the forge and the hammer which beat us into shape. Everyone has scars from experiences which color their character decades after the incident. Who can forget the cruelty of being bullied, the injustice of becoming the random target of irrational aggression? When the victim becomes angry and violent himself we mourn the ruination of a potential citizen of merit. When the victim vows to disassemble the system which encourages the bullies we must celebrate him as a hero. http://salem-news.com/articles/january272010/truant-officer_18.php http://salem-news.com/articles/january272010/truant-officer_18.php Wed, 27 Jan 2010 09:25:00 PST Do not misunderstand the meaning of "school non-attendance." It does not refer to truancy because of laziness or intellectual inability. We are not delinquents nor are we vandals. The followers of Futoko love learning, believe that learning is the most important human activity. http://salem-news.com/articles/january202010/truant-officer_17.php http://salem-news.com/articles/january202010/truant-officer_17.php Wed, 20 Jan 2010 09:52:00 PST Futoko is not a gentleman burglar. He is not a Robin Hood nor a Raffles. Futoko owns nothing worth giving anyone, nor is of value himself. Futoko tells no one what to do nor where to go. Futoko cannot be found in Walmart nor can your doctor prescribe him to remedy your problems. http://salem-news.com/articles/january132010/truant-officer_16.php http://salem-news.com/articles/january132010/truant-officer_16.php Wed, 13 Jan 2010 17:51:00 PST No matter what the cause, battles are lost or won according to the skills of the leaders of opposing forces. The winner is lauded and the loser vilified. But what kind of creatures are we that we cannot act in such a way independent of a charismatic leader who must invoke our better selves to produce the desired effect? http://salem-news.com/articles/january062010/truant-officer_15.php http://salem-news.com/articles/january062010/truant-officer_15.php Wed, 06 Jan 2010 08:15:00 PST My name is Futoko. Most people consider me mysterious, but there is no mystery to school refusal. School is everywhere, every day. The feast of education is reserved for the learning famished. People who are content to watch reality television or expend their emotional energy on movies about vampire boy friends are sated with their ignorance and have no appetite of curiosity. http://salem-news.com/articles/december312009/truant-officer_14.php http://salem-news.com/articles/december312009/truant-officer_14.php Thu, 31 Dec 2009 10:14:00 PST My name is Futoko. In Japanese it means "School refusal." But I am not ignorant, nor am I anti-intellectual. My followers are desperate to learn--and they do learn. Sometimes their teachers are books. Sometimes they are videos. Sometimes they are people who simply know something that students wish to learn. http://salem-news.com/articles/december162009/truant-officer_13.php http://salem-news.com/articles/december162009/truant-officer_13.php Wed, 16 Dec 2009 13:20:00 PST There comes a point when the story is no longer yours. The plot moves behind the scenes and while you may puzzle out the sequence of events later, at the time it all happens you are clueless. I may be a truant officer, a hand sanitizer and perhaps even a philanderer, but one thing I'm not is a psychic. from here I must turn the story over to the man whom I call my enemy. And maybe that's a good thing. It's best if both sides of the issue are shown in the clear light of day. Let you, the reader, decide who is in the right and who is a big, fat joke. http://salem-news.com/articles/december092009/truant-officer_12.php http://salem-news.com/articles/december092009/truant-officer_12.php Wed, 09 Dec 2009 08:34:00 PST When a job needs to be done right, you call in a professional. Sure Some things can be done by temps, but with the essential business of the day you want someone who gives it a little something extra, who gives it 110%, people who puts their hearts and their backs into their work. http://salem-news.com/articles/december022009/truant-officer_11.php http://salem-news.com/articles/december022009/truant-officer_11.php Wed, 02 Dec 2009 18:43:00 PST Fallen angels. They litter the ground and clog the gutters of every metropolis in the nation and can be found in between the furrows of our farmlands like weeds. Men and women who everyone thought could be trusted let us down when they were needed most. They might be politicians, judges, police officers, tv repair men or they may even be hand sanitizers and truant officers. http://salem-news.com/articles/november262009/truant-officer_10.php http://salem-news.com/articles/november262009/truant-officer_10.php Thu, 26 Nov 2009 09:14:00 PST You may be a Pastor and wield the Bible to turn aside Satan when he shows his pointed little head and pitch fork. But none of it means anything until real temptation comes your way. You're out of town. No one knows you from Adam. All it would take is to find your way to the wrong part of town, meet the wrong person, yield to the wrong temptation and all the sunday church-going of a hundred years won't do you a bit of good. http://salem-news.com/articles/november182009/truant_officer_9.php http://salem-news.com/articles/november182009/truant_officer_9.php Wed, 18 Nov 2009 10:35:00 PST Some guys finesse their way through life. They make the right choices. We can call this luck, but it's more than luck. It's a matter of keeping your eyes and ears open. It's also a matter of being in the right place at the right time. Then there are guys who never know what to do next. They need someone to write out their next three steps ahead of time. They need someone to watch over them because left on their own they'd drop the ball. http://salem-news.com/articles/november112009/truant_officer_8.php http://salem-news.com/articles/november112009/truant_officer_8.php Wed, 11 Nov 2009 12:11:00 PST